It's been a month since I ended my relationship (of 1 year and a few months), which seemed great and very healthy. I was super happy and thought I had found my person.

Basically, we were long-distance, but started the relationship "in person". We went 5 months without seeing each other, which was the longest. He met a girl, they hung out a lot, did a lot of things together, spent a lot of time at each other's places, and that was fine. Then they traveled together and it bothered me that he stayed at her hotel room all night, and I mentioned it. He totally understood.

Weeks later, he said he had reached his limit, couldn't handle my insecurities anymore, and I needed to accept his freedom. I asked to find an agreement where I could feel secure too. He said no. He threw in my face that he only booked a hotel on the trip because he knew it would bother me, because he wanted to stay with the friend. Also, he threw in my face that he didn't catch up with his ex because of me.

I felt really bad because he said I was suffocating him and he was unhappy in the relationship. So, I started thinking the problem was me. I was too insecure and ruining the relationship. I worked on it in therapy, but it started hurting me because I felt something was wrong. I didn't understand this "freedom" he wanted.

Then he told me this friend invited him to sleep over "because he had never slept there." I freaked out. I told him our boundaries were different and broke up. I thought I had reacted badly and explosively, that we needed to talk, etc. I went after him and he said he felt "relief" when we broke up. I asked for a chance, willing to compromise on my boundaries. He said he would think and call me on the weekend.

Over the weekend, he told me the girl stayed over at his apartment during the week. He said she would sleep there that day, and I was okay with it because I wanted the relationship back. However, he said she slept in his room. I asked if they were sleeping in the same bed and he got really mad, saying he couldn't trust me and I was trying to limit him again, because it was obvious she was sleeping in the bed with him.

We ended it for good. We argued like crazy over messages, and according to him, I should trust him to the point that anything he did would be okay. Then, he said maybe he won't come back to our country to not leave this friend alone; he said this girl was his safe place (and I was one when I was in that other country with him, but not anymore); he compared the intensity of our relationship to the intensity of his friendship; he said it was important to him that she felt comfortable at his place, etc.

Weeks later, he messaged me saying it wasn't my fault, I didn't suffocate him, it was his mind. And that during the breakup, he discovered something genuine missing in himself that he needed to work on.

Now, I'm really struggling. I sometimes blame myself. I feel like crap. I'm extremely anxious and depressed. We had plans to live together, talked about marriage and everything. I'm completely devastated, and I'm starting antidepressants tonight for the first time. It sucks.