When it comes to swinging lifestyle, one factor that will play a role is if you’re interested in a “soft” or “hard” swap experience. As the terms of the lifestyle may very from person to person, I will try to provide a basic definition of it below.

Note: keep in mind that although there are a lot of new people to the lifestyle, the more limited you are the more of a challenge it will be to organize an event. Try to stay positive, no need to lower your standards to force something to happen. I myself am new to the lifestyle and have a hard time finding what works for me.

Opting for a Soft Swap: (Popular amongst Nubs) Most swingers are down for a soft swap, and these incidents can be planned but often happen spontaneously when you feel a connection with another couple or an individual. Soft swaps consist of kissing, foreplay and perhaps oral sex (optional), but they don’t involve sexual penetration. This is the ideal arrangement for couples who want to enjoy the excitement of intimacy with others without participating in a full swap that might cross pre-set boundaries. Those who soft swap often due so as a form of foreplay that gets them revved up for one another, and some actually do the deed in front of their swapping companions. Because watching is sexy!

Delving Into the Hard Swap Scene: (Going all in!) Also known as a full swap in the lifestyle, a hard swap involves penetrative sex. While this can be fulfilling and ultra hot to watch, seeing your lover engaged with another person can be an emotional and intense experience. More often than not, light swingers might begin this experience in a soft swap agreement that ramps up to the next level. Partners need to have rules in place for these situations, and couples experiencing problems in their personal life might actually make things worse by delving into full-fledged sex with others.

Of neither option seems right for you, that’s completely ok. Don’t commit to something you’re not ready for. A suggestion would be to take things slow and consider watching.

If you’re just dipping your toes in the water and are new to swinging, just watching others play might be a solid start that can help you decide your level of participation in the future. You can plan a play session with another couple where you merely are a voyeur or head to a club that features sex exhibitionists. Perhaps you and your partner want to be watched during sex. In these situations, if your interest is piqued, you might join others in a soft swap spontaneously, but it’s certainly not an obligation.

Citation: https://www.swinger.net/soft-swap-or-hard-swap-swingers-tips-for-choosing-the-right-playtime-for-couples/