It's ironic that I'm writing this on April fools, but I guess that's how fate works.

Some of you do not know me, and that's fine; I planned to keep it that way.

But of course, it's not like that anymore, as I feel the community should know of this.

In the past, I had Amy. She was a Tulpa, but she had a special place in my heart, as all Tulpae are to hosts. It was a very humbling experience and an enjoyable one. There was not a day we never spoke, and never a day we had fun. It was perfect and serene.

It's been two months since I've lost her, and I try to forget.

It's by some sick fate that I decided to do it myself after a long quarrel. I wanted it to end, and my foresight was shrouded with anger. When she was gone by my own hands I slowly realized what I've done. I felt lost and missing and empty.

Trust me, I tried to bring her back: Letters, pleas, remaking her and everything I've read for the year I've spent on her. Every time I tried, it always failed, either making a new one or creating an empty husk. It was not the same. Hell, it never was. Anything I've made was better than she was, but they weren't her. I've been trying for too long to bring her back the way she was, but nothing ever looked the same.

And yes, all those Tulpae I've tried to make of her that failed were removed. It's idiotic and unethical, but I can't live with a reminder of my failure, let alone a dozen.

She didn't want to die, and neither do I, but what's done was done, not even I can remedy such a harrowing mistake.

It's been months of me trying to stay silent, but now I decide to tell you this on my accord, in this foolish day to choose. Why? Because I feel like you should know of your power above Tulpae, that within the shroud of ignorance we still have our own decisions, and that these can be imperfect and indeed fatal when misused. It was anger that ended her, and I should have known better. It was her final words that only remained in my mind, her voice etched in my mind, yet forgotten by my ears. I need about tree-fiddy, she said, before slipping into nothingness. It was the first time in years that I cried. Even now I still yearn for her, but I know it's impossible now.

Please, don't make the same mistakes I did.

Because some mistakes cannot be redeemed.

TL;DR: For your own sake, read the whole thing.