Chemical pregnancy is a loss before the 5th week of pregnancy, and about 25-30% of women will experience one. I went through one not too long ago, and I keep thinking about how far I would've been and what I would've looked or felt like. I think about the due date when he/she would've been born. We even bought one blue dino Squishmallow and one purple cow Squishmallow, just in case it was a boy or girl. I know it's early for toys and clothes, but it gave us hope. It was super short-lived; we only knew for about two weeks. They told me from the beginning that it may end in a miscarriage because my HCG levels were low in my first blood draw. I didn't doubt them because this is my first time getting pregnant ever, and usually, when people get their blood drawn, the HCG levels are definitely high. Mine was only 19 HCG when I found out, which naturally stressed me out. Four days later, I went in, and it was 109. I was pleased to hear it went up, but still, it wasn't a hopeful outlook. Then another two days passed, and it was 454. I was happy it had doubled! Later that day, I had work and started having light cramps, then one big cramp, and I started bleeding. Not too much, but enough to know I needed a pad and would probably need another one. I went to the restroom, started bawling my eyes out, and took a moment to collect myself. I then told my boss what I was going through and went home for the weekend. After the weekend was over, I obviously went to the hospital to see if it really was a miscarriage. Unfortunately, for myself and Cole, it was. My levels dropped down to 49 HCG, then two days later, 19 HCG, and that was the last blood draw I could handle. I cry almost every night, mourning something I didn't even get to hear a heartbeat from. I feel so stupid for grieving such a short-lived pregnancy, for a dream of what could've been. This vent may be a little TMI, but I don't usually share things with people. It's been harder, knowing I haven't been on birth control since 17, and we haven't used the pullout method or protection. We've been pretty sexually active. I'm just confused as to why this would be the only time I've gotten pregnant after all these years together, and then when I finally do, it turns out to be a nightmare. Writing this helps me verbally acknowledge that I've gone through one, but I still have a hard time saying I had a chemical pregnancy. I hate my body for not being able to support a life that I so badly wanted to carry. I just hope that one day, when I'm more ready, my body will accept it and give us a baby.