So for a little backstory, hubby has always wanted kids; whereas for me, wanting kids is a new thing altogether. It’s not that I didn’t want kids, it was just something I always thought about having in the future not necessarily NOW. But I guess at some point the future turns into now and now I want kids. I had been on birth control for 10 years and recently got it removed. The way everyone talked about going off nexplanon was “your husband will sneeze in your proximity and you’ll get pregnant” it’s especially true because I’m Latina and were like the most fertile beings ever.

So, every time the stick is negative something inside me starts badgering me. It’s just how my brain works. I’m not good enough, I don’t have the ability to do something 16 year olds do every day, etc... etc... I’ve had sore boobs, incredible sense of smell, aversion to certain foods, nausea here and there, been really tired lately and just to be on the safe side, I’ve been staying away from alcohol. But still negatives.

Today, my husband and I were talking about something or other and I was like “no, I know because I have an incredible sense of smell” he said “no, you just think you have an incredible sense of smell because you think you’re pregnant”.

Yep.

Maybe I’m being dramatic. Maybe I’m taking that too personally but after a while he asked me what was wrong so I told him I feel like I’m TTC alone. Sure, he’s there for the good parts but as soon as the negative rolls around it’s like it’s all been in my head even though he has noticed the changes.

He apologized, said it’s not his intention to be an asshole and that us being pregnant “will happen when it happens”.

Honestly, I don’t even know what to say to that but it really fucking hurts.