Why does anybody actually do tweak? I’m telling you, there is nothing in this world as good as the Oregon Speedball.

A shot of whiskey in the morning coffee, and a spliff to wash it down. My god almighty, it’s the human version of going from a sorry lump of plastic to being inflated like a balloon. I’ve had blood transfusions that felt less rejuvenating.

You wake feeling drowsy, broken from the labor of the day prior. The coffee wakes you up, and the whiskey eases the pains, loosens the muscles and joints.

THEN, you take your morning shit. Not even the HOOVER DAM could stop the unrelenting flow of waste that, on other days might be squeezed out pebble by pebble.

After that liberating experience, you can now indulge in the most heavenly mix of tobacco and marijuana. The tobacco goes BRRRRRRRR and the weed goes hummmmmmm and it all evens out to a nice BrrrmBrrmmmBrmmm.

The caffeine and nicotine elevate your blood pressure while the weed and whiskey mellow you the fuck out. It’s the feeling of being calm, clear, awake, ready. Even after 10 days of 10 hour days, I can start a day like that and put up with my angry boomer boss AND power through the shit work he flings at me. After a long week, an Oregon speedball puts me in the mood to work again.

WHY does anybody do tweak man???? What’s so damn good about smoking 50% baking soda anyways?