the last time i weighted 47kg was when i was 11 years old. i was in 6th grade. i used to be so depressed and had so little appetite, plus i would starve myself as a form of self harm so my weight was around 39kg at least and 42kg at most. it was only recently that i've been gaining weight again. i am 18 years old currently. and i weight 47kg. partly its because ive been stress eating, but partly ive gained more appetite since im surrounded by better people and im a bit happier overall now. at first it was hard to accept my new weight because for the longest time i was extremely skinny, and it took me so long to love my body, so now that it's changing again, im feeling a little scared. i am glad that i am gaining weight though, because ive been so unhealthy and everyone around me are very happy to see that im doing somewhat better. i was starting to feel okay in my body again. my mom wasnt home for a couple of months and only came back recently. not long ago she told me she was so shocked about my weight now but "it's not a bad thing i'm just surprised" at first. but today she told me that I am too fat and that I need to stop eating so much. she told me that I looked much better before. i just feel horrible. i have been trying so hard to make peace with myself, and everyone around me has been so supportive. hearing that makes me feel horrible. it's like being comfirmed that all my insecurities are true. my mom used to tell me im too skinny and need to eat. now shes telling me im too fat and need to stop. i feel sick.