I'm a male in my 30s. Raised by a single mother, no father, older sister. I love my mom dearly, but when looking back I realized something. As children my mother was a good parent to me and my sister, but as we entered adulthood she was practically useless. She was good at the basic stuff to keep us alive, food, shelter, clothing. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment for 10 years and she slept on a fold out couch so that me and my sister could have our own rooms. Not many people would do that! She was a great mother... when we were kids.

But here's the thing, human children are not like pets. You can't just provide the basics and then pat yourself on the back on how much of an awesome parent you are. Humans need guidance, emotional support, advice, learning, I could go on. My mom rarely if ever offered any of that.

And it became very apparent into adulthood when I would come to her with adult problems and get silence or avoidance from her. It was heartbreaking. It's not that she didn't care, but I think she was burnt out by life and was done dealing with other people's problems. She was probably relieved when we moved out. When I entered my 20s it literally felt like I had no parents anymore. She was emotionaly gone, pretend things were great and be in denial of everything.

I had suffered severe depression when I was younger. My mother knew, I had told her. I'm in a much better place now. But it sucked dealing with that completely on my own. I remember one night we went out for dinner, and I was having a bad episode of depression. Probably should have cancelled but didn't. The entire night I was feeling very sad, and I was very quiet, answering her questions in one word responses, she was carrying the entire conversation. She knew something was wrong yet the entire time she pretended everything was fine. Kept talking about some fucking steak she over cooked.... who cares. The night ended, no word from my mother like "are you ok?" Or "you seem upset, what's wrong?" ...nothing. The next few days I got a letter in the mail from her telling me should could see that I was sad, and it upset her. The letter went on about how she loves me and how my sadness is hurting her. It was rare to get that type of response from her. The entire time I'm reading this letter and I'm thinking... WHY DIDNT YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS THEN?!

That is my mother in a nutshell, she sees there is something wrong but won't acknowledge the problem like an adult. Because its unpleasant for her she won't address the issue, she'd rather be in denial, who cares what your kid is going through. It's just frustrating because I do love her but the choices she made I would never do to my kid. To me it's obvious what a parent should have done. Why couldn't she figure that out on her own?

Not really looking for advice, just venting her. I've gotten past most of that stuff and have forgiven my mother. Our relationship is better now.