I work in a call center & am probably clinically depressed, have been for years. I also have ideations of suicide that I’d never go through with. So I’m passively suicidal… no mammos, no colonoscopy. I want whatever kills me to be found tooo late to treat so no one can nag me into treatment.

This woman says what is in her mind. mind. I really want to meet her. She’s considered suicide , asked her brother, whom with she is not close to, how he’d feel. He’s like why would you want to? You have everything you need (she’s 65). She & he are the last two surviving siblings, she didn’t mention children. I told her no one knows until they’ve lived it. She just moved into the least expensive retirement community she could afford (it’s locked at night, can’t leave the grounds) & she hates it (crushed my expectations because 4 more years, I’m eligible. She said her kitty is what keeps her going. Me too, my dog & cat. Her husband drank himself to death about 10 years ago, his drinking made her relapse (no substance abuse here).

I want to meet this woman. I’ve never talked to anyone like her who is just brutally honest. If there is anyone reading this that suicide even made a blip appearance in your brain, you have considered it. I told her I just want to find my off button. She laughed & said I think they didn’t install hers, told her she was defective. But it was so refreshing talking to someone who could allow herself to think these things & SPEAK THEM. We also talked about Kobe Bryant & his daughter (I feel this way about any unexpected death), & she said why them? TaKe someone who is DONE.

I’m 51, have a daughter that is no contact, I’m NC with my mother & sisters. I have herpes, had thought found a FWB with it, then he exposes me to syph (negative so far). I am extremely anemic but the side effects are not worth it. I might have fibrous in my uterus. Two herniated discs, a rolling ankle. What do I have to look forward to?I only have the one NC child whose wife is pregnant so no grandkids. I haven’t had an LTR in decades. My best guy friend is going to prison for 17-30. I have 2 cousins that I occasionally chat with & a half sister in New Zealand who I’d love to meet.

I just want to go where no one knows me, of me or that I even exist. Except my sister. Maybe move to New Zealand.

(Re telephone caller) She’s 60’ish, I’m 51.