I hate my life because of it. I feel like I wasted so much time because of this goddamn cult. I (17M) have practically spent all my life being a witness. I want to tell someone within the congregation that I'm leaving really bad, but I'm afraid of the consequences it will bring me. My parents know that I'm not happy at all. That I no longer want to do the things I've been forced to do my whole life. I even revealed to them that my whole life I was miserable, despite the happy moments I had being a witness. But, of course, they didn't listen and just think I have "doubts."

As you might already know, Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays or any holidays. This is what I hate most about all this because it makes me feel like I've lived a very strict and secluded life. I've always wanted to dress up as my favorite fictional character to walk down the neighborhood asking for candy. I've always wanted to have a good feast with my family on Thanksgiving. I've always wanted to wake up to the excitement of seeing my present under a tree. But most of all, I've always wished to celebrate the day I was born. I always dreaded hearing about everyone else's birthdays at school, and even more when I was asked about mine. I wasn't a good enough liar so I always told them the truth. Everyone always gave me the same look of pity. New Year's always hurts me the most, because I'm always staying up until midnight looking out my window, seeing all the fireworks and people celebrating the new year.

You know what I spent my time doing instead?

I woke up early in the fucking morning, sometimes at 5 AM, to preach for 7 or more hours, walking from door to door to talk about things I never really believed in the first place. I spent 3 hours every Sunday and Tuesday in the Kingdom Hall for the meetings. Even at home my family made me read the Watchtower magazine to do a "family study."

I always imagine what my life could've been like if my family weren't Jehovah's Witness ever. I could have been celebrating my birthday and all the holidays I wasn't allowed to celebrate. Maybe I could've played a sport and gotten good at it. Maybe I could've started a good hobby other than playing videogames, or even develop a talent since I have none.

Soon I will be an independent adult. I'm not sure if I even want to start celebrating any holiday.