Been a rough year and it seems like things are only getting worse. I have no drive or determination to get anything done or pick myself up to where I should be. I'm starting to scare myself with the thoughts I'm having. I've tried getting mental health help but it was very difficult and overwhelming to accomplish so I just stop trying. The system they built doesn't work. I don't feel like I hold any value to my life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to make it to old age age or if I'm simply wanting for the day to come when I eventually take my own life. I feel like sometimes I'm delaying the inevitable. More people are turning their back on me and are just axing me instead of helping me out, which is only making things worse. I don't want to die, I just to feel like myself again but I fear that part of me is gone forever