Last year I was going through a really bad time and I made a great friend. She helped me feel safe enough to explore my sexuality, my emotions, who I am, and how friendships can take many forms. I loved her deeply. There was an element of romantic love to it, but it was a much more intense kind of love. She moved away and we kept in touch through text and phone calls for a while. However she stopped responding close to the end of the year. She was deeply troubled and at times suicidal. She's also had some legal troubles. I find myself hoping that she just ghosted me because our friendship got too complicated. While that breaks my heart, I find that more comforting than either of the alternatives. I've tried looking for her many times since we lost touch, with no success. I hope one day she reaches out to me. She was probably the most impactful person I met last year, I hope she knows how special she is.