I’m a childcare teacher. Been in the field for 4 years now. I had a student (J) who was in my class when I was in the infant room. Some employees got moved around and I ended up in the toddler room, again being J’s teacher. I had a well and professional relationship with his mom and dad. They’re great and easy-going parents.

Last year, his parents moved houses resulting in J’s unenrollment from the childcare. Being in good standing with his parents, they both added me on Facebook. We occasionally meet up during events of mutual friends (birthdays, baby showers, etc.) and we get along well. J is 2 now and his parents say he just adores me.

J’s mom messages me on Facebook asking if I’d be interested in babysitting J for an evening. Basically, mom is flying out of town to visit family for a week and while dad is available to look after J, he has a work event on Friday night. I happily agreed and once I got off work Friday, I drove to their house.

Dad thanked me for looking after him and left, leaving me and 2-year-old J. I do my thing, take care of him, bath time, dinner, story time, bed time, etc. It’s around 9/10pm when dad comes back from his work event.

I tell him that I just finished putting J to sleep and he thanks me for the help. He says he brought some leftovers from the work event and asked if I wanted them. I happily said yes and told him I’d eat them tomorrow for brunch. I remember he says, “Why not eat them here? They’re still warm. It won’t taste as good if you wait to eat them. Doesn’t taste as good reheated.” I haven’t eaten since my work lunch earlier at noon and I didn’t want to be rude so I followed him into the kitchen. He set up a plate for me and we sat in the kitchen.

He asked if I drank. I wasn’t too understanding of the question but I said yes (water, juice, soda,) he proceeded to pour a cup of wine for himself and I. Once I understood, I clarified that I wasn’t much of an alcohol drinker; I’ve never had wine before. He exclaims “well you have to try this one. It’s fruity and sweet. (Wife’s name) loves it.” and pushes the cup of wine forward. Again, I didn’t want to be rude so I drank it in a few gulps. “Wow you drank that up quick. You must’ve really like it. Here have some more.”

I have another cup in front me. I haven’t even touched the food yet, nor has he touched his cup of wine. Take some bites of fancy dinner, small talk, drink wine. I felt an odd feeling in my stomach. Wasn’t sure if it was my gut telling me something was off or if it was the alcohol. I don’t remember how many cups of wine I drank while his initial cup stayed full. Before I knew it, the room was spinning.

I don’t remember much of what happened after. I blink and suddenly I’m hanging on to his arm as we walk down a hallway. I blink and suddenly I’m laying down on a bed. Whenever I tried to sit up, it felt like gravity was pushing me back down. I blink and I felt his hand going up my skirt. I blink and he was pushing my head down, his pants weren’t on. I have all of these little pieces of the night but I don’t have a memory exactly of what happened.

I wake up Saturday morning to fucking Sesame Street playing in the background. I’m in J’s house still, laying down on the living room couch with a blanket thrown over me. I frantically sit up and look around. My head is throbbing and my body just feels sore. J runs over to me, waffle in hand and goes, “Good Morning Ms. (my name)!” I just stare at him, couldn’t even mutter out a “hi” to this kid. Dad calls out, telling J to come sit back down.

As he runs back to the kitchen, dad walks up to me. I quietly ask what happened last night. He looked pissed. “What happened was I got back from my work event and you were drunk off of my wife’s wine.” That didn’t feel true. At least I don’t think that’s true. I try to correct him. “No. We were eating. And then you gave me the wine and then we,” I didn’t remember clearly so I stopped mid-sentence. “We didn’t do anything and why on earth would I give you wine? I’m paying you to look after my kid not get drunk like some irresponsible college girl.”

I was stunned. I didn’t know how to react. I’m not even sure what happened last night anymore. “Listen whatever you think happened, it didn’t. You were drunk off your mind when I came home last night so god knows what you were thinking. You were on the couch, drunk and you tried to get on me, I practically had to push you off. Jesus, (my name) I’m married for fuck’s sakes. How about we make a deal. I pay you the babysitting money and some extra. I won’t tell (wife’s name) that you drank her wine, tried to seduce her husband, and got drunk while on the job and you never mention to anyone what you think happened last night, because it. didn’t. happen.” I’ve never felt so confused in my life. We have two different tales of what happened the same night. I felt/knew that something happened between us. He suggested that I went home to “think about what you did.”

He gave me $200 and told J to say bye to me. I drive home, take an advil and lay in bed. The following Monday, J’s mom messages me, thanking me for taking care of J. It’s been a month since that night. I haven’t seen/talked to either of J’s parents. I feel gross. I’m sorry but this isn’t something I can just “never mention to anyone.”