Its usually online but its happened far too many times irl for me to not wanna see it as demoralizing. For a bit of background, i was born into a household where i was let outside to go shopping with family and if i got to outside id be lucky if it was for an hour the entire month.

I was never let out of my room and beaten daily, this is just to give you the set up of the fact i had a really really REALLY BAD CHILDHOOD. well... at the age of 13 i was finally given "the talk, and by that i mean my father showed me key words to look up porn on google and that was it. Suffice to say even at 20 years old i still don't know how a condom works or wtf sexual attraction is supposed to feel like as ive never felt anything watching the videos.

Ive always been numb to sexual shit and that has culminated in me feeling like a defective human constantly being looked at and told its weird for me to be a virgin at 20. Not helped by my mom and stepdad finding it fun to crack jokes about it constantly. Mind you ive been able to live a "normal life" for about almost 3 years, my father was taken away when i was about 17 almost 18. And so coming from not being alloqed to have friends to being someone who borderline needs friends but is struggling to make friends due to my past not letting me have anything to bond with others over other than child abuse its hard to make friends.

But apparently people seem to think 3 years is plenty of time to get out there and be sexually active as the mocking has become so common i lie about not being one just to stop it nowadays. I have to pretend to not be completely uninterested in sex just so i dont get relentlessly bullied for being weird. Meanwhile i don't wanna just go out and party or hook up because again, i never even had "the talk" or sex ed, i had pornhub. I don't know how to use a condom, i don't know wtf to do, i don't have any idea how it works irl; and its not even like i could use pornhub like a sex ed site because i often find it too comedic, i start to laugh before i can take anything in. It really upsets me simply because it's a deep fear of the unknown and a deep fear of harming someone that i just don't feel confident in doing it with anyone, let alone the fact i most likely won't feel fucking anything due to just the fact im not that into it all.

At this point i just wanna be left alone about it but seemingly any time someone finds out it becomes the biggest conversation on how "why haven't you gotten laid yet" and it just makes me super fucking uncomfy.

Tl;dr, im 20 a virgin and people online and teenagers are fucking monsters.