So I’ve (21F) always known that I sometimes snore loudly. Been that way since I was a kid, pretty sure I inherited sleep apnea from my mom. Sometimes it’s not too terribly bad, other times I’ve had partners wake me up in the night because I sound like I’m dying. I am on the larger side, but I still had a snoring issue when I was much smaller. Obviously during cold and flu season my breathing is even more restricted. For the most part, I’ve just avoided the issue by not spending the night with partners (or dated really heavy sleepers)

I’m currently staying with my boyfriend (38M) during winter break, so obviously we’re in bed together every night, and because it’s winter my nose is constantly stuffed up, which has made the snoring exponentially worse for a consistent period of time. He’s been really chill about it, but when I wake him up in the night with my snoring he tries to wake me up and get me to shift positions. This morning, the first words out of his mouth were “we’ve got to talk about your snoring.” Apparently he woke me up multiple times last night to get me to shift positions, but I remember nothing about the interactions. So I really don’t know how to have a conversation about things that I don’t remember occurring.

I really don’t know what to do. I like this guy a lot, we’ve been together for a couple months, everything else in our relationship is perfect, but now I’m incredibly insecure about sleeping with him because I don’t want to keep him from sleeping. He also snores, but it’s not as bad and I’m a heavy sleeper so it doesn’t bother me. I don’t know if I should just sleep in the guest bedroom or not spend the night or what.

I feel awful that he can’t sleep because of me. The worst part is how guilty and anxious I feel falling asleep. I try to sleep on the farthest end of the bed but it’s a queen so there’s not far to go.

He’s a great guy, and I dont want to lose him because i cant breathe at night