So there was a post I saw a while back titled ‘Romance is a myth’ (one thing the post said was that is not natural to find permanent romantic partners) and recently I have seen a lot of people critiquing like heteronormativity and how that influences how we see and what we expect from relationships. Like we should think of relationships and friendships with more of a queer lense. Like for example, thinking that the person you are dating will be with you “forever” or that you should even get married is wrong. Also the same with friendships like it is futile to expect that friendships will last because people change. There are other similar conversations related to this one, that revolve around monogamy not being good because it promotes the idea of one person being “for” you when in reality that is impossible to achieve. And one person being the person who satisfies you intellectually, sexually, and emotionally is basically impossible. Like the idea is that one person can’t give you everything (but isn’t that obvious, that’s why you have more friends, family, and other relationships in general)

And that is the core of it, people change and so you can’t expect that any of these relationships will last for any amount of time and you should just enjoy what you have while you have it.

And I think it sounds like correct on the simplest level. I think obviously most people don’t expect anything in life to last forever, but for some reason the conversations around this just makes me feel like what is even the point of trying to cultivate relationships and friendships with people if I can’t expect that the goal is to maintain that for as long as we can?

Like why would I invest in something that is just going to go away, and then when it does I can’t be upset about it because “people change” and I’ve just been “conditioned” to expect anything other than that. Too many rom coms and Disney movies I guess.

I’m pretty young and like this just makes me feel like I want to become a hermit and live alone forever, if I can only count on myself then so be it.

Like personally I like the idea of long term friendships and relationships and of marriage and everything (But obviously nothing is forever) I don’t ever want to be married but I love seeing others who do it! And idk it just feels like people are critiquing society and certain aspects of culture in a way that devalues other perspectives. Like saying that friendships and relationships aren’t meant to last forever seems as pointless as someone telling me that bread won’t last forever, like no shit, but I still like bread. (But it sort of makes you feel like, should I just not buy bread anymore?)

It’s like how are people saying that we shouldn’t be this way or that way like our entire lives are influenced by the current culture and the decades of culture and history that came before us? Like no one is wrong in how they want to live or see life as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others.

Idk I hope this made sense to someone.