So I know this post is nothing major, it's more of a let off steam and in the long run..pointless.

I'm 32 and a virgin. Kissed one girl and that is it. Nothing bed room related. I always asked friends how they do it and got 2 answers "Don't search for it, let it come to you" and "Go out and search". I got more of the don't search and let it happen, so I followed that. From my teens...through my twenties and now here am I alone and by myself. Meanwhile, my friends have girlfriends and wives. I've tried the searching and have used every app under the sun and only ever gotten like 2 matches and one of them respond to me that I was a mistake swipe and unmatched me. The other just left me on read and never responded and eventually just unmatched me.

I just wish I knew what was so unappealing about me. Like I get I'm not the thinnest guy, but all I ever see is women talking about "Body Positivity". Well I guess that's just for girls who are heavier and not guys. I'm try to lose weight, I really am, but it's hard. I always try to keep and upbeat and friendly attitude. I try to talk to women and always get shot down when I do this in public. Being a tall guy, other guys always say "Man you have it easy" like no I don't. I have it worse. Nothing worse than walking up to a girl and her seeing how tall you are and get scared.

Of course any girl who I am friends with always give the "You're such an amazing guy, how has no one dated you yet" routine. Well I'm great enough until I ask them out and then its the same old "I'm not looking to date right now" excuse and they wind up in a relationship like 2 weeks later.

I'm just tired of being a virgin. Tired of not being wanted. Tired of just being me. I'm contemplating just hiring an escort and getting it over with. Thats the only way some one will want is if I pay them anyway. I feel no girl wants the 32 year old chubby virgin guy. I'm just going to die alone and I need to get used to that fact.