Let me preface this by saying im 29 years old and a father of three. Ive, for the most part, grown out of the "where is my daddy" phase, and into the "i will never leave you guys" life. I own my experiences and im more than happy to be where i am right now. Some information will be directly from my mom, some from things ive found out to be true. Ill try my best to get to it all.

Tl;dr: my father is likely the barber. The man i see every two weeks

I am the first of 4 children from my mother. I have a brother 3 years younger than me, a sister 6 years younger than me, and another brother 9 years younger than me. The 3 of my half siblings share a father. He came into me and my mom's life while i was 2 months old. Ive always know him to be my dad from a family perspective. I love that man and would kill for him. He taught me few things. Wasnt the best dad ever, but he tried from what he was taught from a shitty situation. He loves us dearly. Called me on my birthday on the 11th. We're gonna go fishing soon.

Ive always known he wasnt my real dad. People didnt have to tell me , I could kinda already assume at a young age because i didnt look like him or quite act like him. I accepted the fact that I wasnt his blood child and chose to not make a big deal of it. I felt loved and thats all anyone ever asks for.

My mom had been seeing these two men before i was born. One named J and the other M. My mom would tell me all the time, "your real father is named J". Alot of the time, it was out to spite my step father, L. She'd tell me it loudly so L would hear it. Making him mad. Toxic af.

She'd be super toxic and take me and my siblings out without my step dad. Sometimes to go get our haircut.

Here enters M. The barber.

My mom met M when she was like 9 years old. He was around 10 or 11. She had a crush on him and growing up they would date on and off. They lived in the same apartments. He was the man that took her virginity at 16. 2 years later, between being off with M and dating J, I was conceived.

One day, I ask my mom where is my real dad. She says, "I ran him off. I scared him when I told him I was pregnant". She's telling me that she ran off J. She explained that she was young (18 when she had me) and didnt know what she was doing when it came to telling him she was pregnant. She would only tell me, "youre a [insert J's family name]". I stuck with that through my life, believing I was a "J's family name". After all was told and questions were answered, i left it alone and resigned to my step father being my real father, imo.

Years pass and I search on Facebook for J. I find a man and an address. I ask my mom about it and she says it might be him. Never got around to going to the address and in hindsight, a letter wouldve been nice. That lead died down.

More years go by and im now 27 in 2019. I decide to revamp the search for my father because now im motivated to find my history. I want to know who i really am. I set out to search for J again and find a man, with a striking resemblance to me. Found a few military photos that scared me because I truly look like this man. I got nervous af.

Scared.

I mustered up the courage to contact him and he replied back confirming everything ive told him. This man might be my father everyone!

We set up a DNA test and...

0.00%

World's pretty much shattering around me right now. The one man my mom has ALWAYS told me was my father, isnt my father. In all of my (at the time) 27 years of living, ive never felt so alone in this world. A dark cloud hovered over me for a while. Didnt want to look for him anymore. Said "fuck it" and resigned to being fatherless.

2021 comes and im now interested in knowing my DNA markers and traits. Im nigerian and Cameroon. Pretty dope if you ask me. Ive always wondered where exactly does my ancestors come from. Found out info about my grandma, great grandparents, long lost cousins, etc.

I also found out i was related to someone named H.

H is the 1st cousin to me. Meaning either he's my uncle's child, or a child of my grandparent. I ask him a few questions and find out his brother is M. The barber.

For almosr 29 years, ive been going to get my haircut by the same man, M, ever two weeks.

2 months ago, i find out he is in all likelyhood my biological father.

.....

Ive still not processed this.

The only thing thats going through my mind is why on earth didn't anyone think to test the one man my mom consistently been with? Why didnt my mom do a DNA test for me? Why did it take 29 years for this to happen? Why was everyone silent?

Now, my mom is showing enthusiastic and interest in finding if it was him and i feel like that teenager all over again.

"Why are you excited now? What are you happy for? You had 18 years to find out."

I feel like she's "taking the shine away from me".

I feel like you had so long to figure it out and now you wana be there to find out.

And the barber?

No wonder i have this phobia. I am terrified of my wife taking my son to the barbershop because of my mom. I trust my wife 100% but i cant trust the barber. And to think i cant trust the barber because he's actually my dad. Wtf.

Help me cope with this. My wife is going through nearly the same thing.

Edit 1: i realized i left you on a cliffhanger sorta. M is currently being tested to determine if he's my bio dad or not. J and i dont talk anymore, but i occasionally see him in the grocery store.

M & L know about each other and M stopped coming around our house when L came in our life.

I havent told my step dad that M is probably my real dad.