today is Tuesday, 12 January. I've been living in a boarding school for the past 3 years and I'm going back this year on the 19th for the fourth year. I've been having anxiety about it, feeling so anxious that the day is getting closer and closer yet I still can't get my life together. I know this is barely a problem and I'm probably just being an ungrateful petty teenager but I personally can't take it anymore and my mental health isn't decent.

At home, I have so many online friends. I play games with them and I genuinely feel so happy and appreciated. They're one of my few reasons I wanted to keep on living. The worst part about boarding schools is that we can't bring any electronics including phones, so I have no way of getting in contact with them. They're the only people that don't treat me like absolute shit and talk crap about me behind my back. I'm going to miss them so much even if it's only for a few months.

At school I feel like everyday is just another day I have to get through until the weekends. It's restless. I hate everything and I hate myself

Sure, I have lots of irl friends, but I know that I'm nothing more than just a part of their school life that they also have to get through. Everyday is so repetitive that I sometimes ask myself what the point of life really is. Nothing is new. Our schedule is all decided for us. Days past by so fast yet so slow, mixed by more anxiety because of exams even though I know I'm just gonna fail no matter how hard I try. Thanks if you've read this far. I'm sorry this isn't a big problem but I just have noone else to rant to :)