I feel like I have been walking on crutches emotionally for a very long time (a year) and that I have been mostly doing it alone. I used to keep up a journal on deviantart but I haven’t used my laptop in ages, so I haven’t been posting to the internet. On Reddit I find myself just lurking and never contributing anymore. I miss conversing. I miss making friends. I’ve put making friends on hold with all the covid quarantine stuff going on.

Anyway, I’ve made a lot of progress this year. I had some a psychotic episode after quitting weed for a week and got diagnosed as bipolar and now I’ve been on meds for about nine months. I don’t feel like myself and that’s sort of why I feel like I’m “on crutches” emotionally. But even with occasional intrusive thoughts about wanting to die or slightly worse I feel like I’ve been doing better. I’ve been handling anxiety better and better as the year went on and now I’m ready to start this new year.

It’s been hard but it’s getting a bit better.

Edit: Also though part of the emotional crutches thing is that I’m afraid my life will consist of just working because I can’t seem to add anything else to my life outside of work.