You get up. You search site after site, page after page, filling out the same info, for different companies, upload a customized CV for every job (because that's what employers look for) and sit back and wait. And wait. And wait and wait. While you wait, you are optimistic. Maybe, they'll call you in. Maybe they'll hire you. But you can't get your hopes up. You can't pin a future on a possibility. You can't get optimistic because it's been over a year now of applying and rejection. But you can't stop. You think today will be the day and get up and apply for the for the same jobs you did yesterday. And it kills you. It literally crushes your soul. You die more and more each day from being rejected or being told we will keep your application on file. If I'm not good enough today, will I be in the 6 months you "keep it on file"? That is the worse line to read/hear. It's a "kind" way of saying I'm not employable. I'm not worth to work your minimum wage, or 2 bucks above minimum wage, basic level entry job. That the only thing I'm qualified for is a job that offers no room for growth, no benefits, etc. That I have no value to you. But I can't think like that. It's negative. It's counterproductive. It's shaping the future for the bad. So I smile and pretend to be ok with doing it all another day knowing I might not get the results I want so badly. Knowing that I'm disappointing myself, family and society by being unemployed for so long. I'm dying inside. No, I'm comatose. I'm so numb to it. I want a job. I would love one. I'm fighting to find one.So I go on. Limping, but I go on. Until I find one.

Edit: Thank yous are in order for the 3 kind souls to boost my spirits by providing me with a This award and a Gold award and a Silver award. The kind words and hope I've gotten make me glad I joined r/. I am humbled deeply, deeply humbled by your recognition. I promise you I won't stop. I don't get the choice to. But I can tell you this will make Friday easier to handle. Thank you all.

Edit more: I'm just amazed at all the stories and feelings of solidarity from you guys. Hearing stories and knowing there is a light is the breath I need to stand up straight and tall with some pride. I have souls who care that honour my feeling with their kind awards. To the Rocket benefactor: you didn't have to do that. None of you did. Not the This, Gold, Silver awarders, none of you did but you found favour in me and I will keep going stronger because of your recognition of my struggle. Thank you is all I have and it feels so inadequate to say. My heart is full. You have filled me with a renewed sense of hope and I'm deeply indebted to the 4 of you.