Mental health sucks

That's what most of this comes down to for me

On paper my life is great

I'm 27 I'm engaged to the woman I love I have a load of friends I have traveled the world I'm really close with my family who all love me to pieces

I should be the happiest guy in the world

But I'm not

I'm far from it

I suffer from depression and anxiety I see a phycologist about it I take medication for it

And it's completely ruined my life to the point that I just want it to end

The catch 22 of the whole situation is that there's absolutely no danger of me actually committing suicide because there is no way I could do that to the people that I love If you gave me the option to flick a switch and erase any trace of my existence tomorrow and it could guarantee that it wouldn't hurt the people I care about I wouldn't even think twice But since that isn't an option I'm just stuck here doomed to feel this way till I eventually die

That's it

That's the fucked up thing I can't get my head around at the moment

All the good things that I have going on in my life and I still can't enjoy things anymore

In some ways when I travelled the world I loved parts of it But I'd be miserable the next day and all of the beauty of those places just doesn't even hit me like it should I absolutely love my fiancee! And you would think that would be enough to keep me going! But instead it makes it worse I want nothing more than to be able to live a normal depression free life raise a couple of kids and show them how to live a great life. Instead I sit here shitting myself thinking that if I stay with my partner I'm just dooming her and our future children to living a life less than they deserve due to the fact that I can't enjoy anything anymore

There are so many people out there who would kill to be in my situation Which makes me feel worse because I'm fully aware of it and it still doesn't change how I feel

I guess in summary I feel like it's selfish of all the people I care about who want me to keep on living

I just wish they all knew that I would be so much better to let me go