Do not get me wrong. I love my mother. But growing up she did little to nothing to help me. Since I was little,my family all agree, I used to be a friendly child/baby and smile and wave at strangers. I was little. My mom would tell me "if you get kidnapped and raped I won't feel bad and its your own fault. " now since growing up and hearing it almost everyday I can barely look at a stranger in the eye in public. I have almost been kidnapped 3 times in my life, because since I was in 2nd grade I walked home every day from school. When I was 12 I got that stupid sex talk in middle school where boys leave the room and such. I was so confused about sex, it took me years to realize she never gave me the sex talk. And when I asked her about it she said. "You'd figure it out sooner or later you were a horrible child its not my fault. " When I first got my period she wasn't home and I was terrified because I was in the 6th grade. I called her from home and all she told me to do was "tell grandma and don't bother me at work." She didn't even acknowledge I started my period until the next time around she had to by me pads and didn't even try to help me understand what was going on, and why I was in so much pain,(which to this day she doesn't believe my cramps are a 8 out of 10) Since I was in middle school, I've never been "skinny." She likes and still to this day, pointing out that I'm fat or I "gained a few" and calls me piggy. This caused me to develop really bad eating habits i have to this day where i do not eat for days until i feel sick, then i will maybe eat something. I was raped at 17 and didn't actually have consensual sex till I was 18 because I was scared and I had never had a bf till i 17,who abused and raped me but I stayed thinking he loved me. I never told her about my rape until I was 20 and her only response was "you shouldn't have waited years to tell me it's your own fault."

Recently I have been feeling very suicidal because of alot that happened to me in 2019. When I told her. Her only response was "I wouldn't cry or be sad. You killed yourself so why would I feel bad? You did it to yourself!" That was my breaking point, hearing my mom say she wouldn't cry if I died...