Today was my birthday and let's say I have a love hate relationship with it. It never turns out as I want it to and I usually just feel shit I dont usually like them, I never really feel good, just bad

I mean i had like 2 breakdowns during it where I literally was on the verge of tears during the train ride home from family dinner, which was because I just had a rush of memeories with a friend who I haven't been too close to lately.

My parents had a fight, like usual, during dinner in the restaurant, and it was awkward af.

And tbh i love my friends, but they never make me feel like anything special, like some of them literally bought me 2 packs of random sweets which cost 1 pound in the local store, my parents literally spent like 200 quid on the whole thing. 3 of is went to an activity which was £115 total, and then all the food and drink for after was £80. Ik it's the thought that counts, but sometimes I feel like there was no thought, just that they felt obligated to being something.

Idk who to talk to with this, I don't want to tell my parents, because I don't want them to think of them as bad friends, and I don't want to mention it to them cause I don't want to sound petty and they are my closest friends, without them I would be completely alone.

Idk if this is the place to put this but i need to put my thoughts down into words and get it off my chest