I've been in therapy on and off since I was 12 right up until 3 years ago when I was 25, 7 therapists total and 3 whom I saw regularly for an extended period of time, addressing issues ranging from trauma to interpersonal relationships and persistent personality/lifestyle issues.

That said I am often surprised, usually on reddit, by how quickly people are to prescribe therapy to any issue, and how much faith is vested in it as a cure-all to all life's problems. In my experience this is not the case.

First of all, there are many reasons why therapy may not be effective or beneficial. They range from a reluctance to open up, a lack of trust in the therapeutic process, a lack of self awareness or an abundance of it, personality disorders or underlying mental illnesses, and just plain stubbornness and an unwillingness to change. Therapy will seldom be effective if any of these factors are present.

Secondly, therapy will not 'cure' you. It will, at best, help you find good coping mechanisms and a better outlook on life. Most of my trauma stems from the mistreatment I suffered as a kid from my parents, resulting in abandonment issues, flight-or-fight responses when I feel at risk of losing those I love, and general mistrust in the love people claim to have for me. No therapy can totally rid me of those instincts and fears. What therapy taught me was the process of rationalizing and coping with those feelings when they come up so I don't wig out and damage relationships or wind up in a tailspin when I feel that way.

But I still do feel those same emotions, and sometimes when they are particularly strong they do seep out and affect my behavior... just not as badly as they would pre-therapy. Like sometimes (rarely) I feel paranoid that my spouse is cheating on me and I can't help but ask to see his phone. I know it's probably me being irrational but it just makes me feel better to see nothing's going on. I've confessed this on reddit and the response is to 'get therapy'- I have and this is the best I can do. I cannot totally rid myself of the trauma and how it effects me.

Thirdly, therapy is not for every single problem you have in life. I see this mostly in r/relationships and frankly, it's baffling. Most problems can be solved through communication with your partner or just plain time and a little effort. Therapy, for couples or individuals, is only really good for addressing acute or chronic problems. If your spouse cheated on you or they never clean the house, that is a good reason to go to therapy. Being rude to you or your family once, lying about not feeling well to get out of a social event, not disclosing every sexual detail of their past, having political disagreements or not seeing eye to eye about what kind of home you should purchase are not things that need to be addressed in therapy (and all of these are real threads I've seen in that subreddit where therapy was recommended). I have a hard time seeing how therapy could possibly be helpful in such scenarios, and honestly it annoys me to see it. At worst, I think going to therapy for such small issues could damage people's faith in therapy when it comes to situations where it might actually be useful, and cause them to think therapy 'doesn't work'.

Again, I've been to a lot of therapy in my life. Some of it has been useful, some of it not. A lot of the time it's just been a way to talk about my feelings to someone who is objective but sympathetic, talk about my plan for addressing difficulties I'm facing, and to get feedback on my behavior and get suggestions on how to improve my thinking so it is less toxic. Only once or twice in my entire therapeutic career did I have a total breakthrough moment where my counselor was able to direct my thinking to a totally new and healthier strategy or awareness. It can be useful but hardly the panacea that it's trotted out as being by some.