These last few months have been hard for me. Ever since my family came back from our family reunion in the Philippines, my grandparents have been harder to help care for. My grandma, who was my grandpa's main caretaker, has been feeling weak to the point that she can't walk anymore and was in the hospital for the past month for other health problems. That left a lot of the care for my grandpa up in the air and for some reason, it was my responsibility to care for him.

I'm the granddaughter. My grandparents has 7 kids who can probably gather enough funds between all of them to pay for a CNA or a proper caregiver. But no. They're all fucking ignoring each other or just picking fights with each other that distracts them that their parents, my grandparents, need immediate help. Sure I live with them and can help as much as I can cause, it's family, what are you gonna do?

But I'm NOT at all qualified to care for my handicapped grandpa. Fuck like 2 or 3 of my aunts are fucking nurses or CNAs but they don't do shit besides tell me to do it. Now that my grandma is back home, still to weak to stand even after being in the hospital for a month, and now I gotta help BOTH of them when I was just barely keeping it together for my grandpa.

I don't have the money to get them the help they really need and it feels like I'm the only one who actually cares about them sometimes. I know my grandma hates the idea of going to a nursing home but right now I feel like it's the only place I can think that can help them the most. None of their kids, my aunts and uncles including my mom, seem to care about them. I'm literally the only one my grandma calls for help doing anything because I live in the same house but it's affecting everything else about my life.

The other option would be to send them both back to the Philippines where family there can care for them but I doubt that would go well if I suggested that to my grandma. She already told me she'd rather die than go into a nursing home.

It's just that I don't know shit about what to do if my grandparents need medical assistance besides calling 911. I don't want to be the cause of their death because I wouldn't know what to do but it doesn't help that it feels like everyone else in the family just wants me to be their caretaker without the training and without paying for it.

But what am I talking about? This is a fucking vent and nothing is going to change with their situation with this. I'm starting to think that when they die, probably in a few months at this rate cause that would be my luck, that I'm just going to go past the point of anger and grief. I'm just gonna shut down and fucking disappear from my family's lives because what's the point of being around them if I'm not useful anymore?