I have made it my goal to find someone this year and to experience things that I have never experienced before.

I really want a companion to be with and to love right now since I really have never had something like that before, sure I had a girlfriend before but we were just 13. I really want something real and I just want to say that I am having a hard time in finding that.

I have some hope that things will change and that I will find somebody but now I feel as if I should just give up as nothing is happening. Sure I need to try harder but I just don't at times and I get angry at myself for not doing so. Nothing I have tried is working so far and I doubt it ever will. But I refuse to give up and yet the idea of doing so seems like it would be the best option for me right now.

I just want to get this off my chest since I just feel like writing my thoughts out and I didn't know where to do so. I am just think that maybe I am not ready for some things like dating, I would like to think that I am as I really feel like it. I want to experience things and to have someone and yet I have nothing so far.

I know people will say to go out there and socialize more and I am trying to do that its just that its hard for me to do so. I am not asking for advice and if I get any I will be thankful but for now I just want to get these things off my chest in saying that I am thinking about giving up no matter how hard I do not want to. Why should I continue when I know deep down that nothing is going to happen.

Sorry for the long post but this is what I needed to get off my chest, to say that even though I say to others and to myself to never give up hope, I am thinking about giving up and I really hope that I do not do that.

Thanks for reading this to any of you who actually read this.