I (20m) just failed my calc II class for the third time and that was it. I don’t feel like I have any other choice, but to drop out. When I was 18 I moved to the college dorms in my state while my twin brother moved to the dorms of the most prestigious universities in the state, but that was fine I could become an engineer and be just as successful. But as college went on I realized how alone I was and I failed to make any real friends and when I learned my roommates, who I thought I was pretty close too, went behind my back and got housing with someone else to exclude me I was devastated and with that I was failing my classes. I felt I was failing in every part of my life. I was afraid I would end up a friendless looser struggling to make ends meet while my twin brother succeeded at everything in comparison. So, I decided to try and kill myself, but last minute I chicken out and called for help.

Since then I tried to take the classes at a local community college, the were most important to pass like my Calc and Comp. I took accelerated courses, but they were too stressful and were an exam every week and an essay every week too and not in the best state of mind I failed them both again. I took a small break and started working a retail job something I didn’t want to be stuck doing, but I needed money now, finally I just now started taking Calc II a third time and I tried very hard while working 32-40hrs a week, but I just failed my last exam meaning I failed the class again and on the same day I learned the news my brother was on the deans list.

I tried to kill myself because I didn’t want to work a minimum wage job, I am now. I tried to kill myself because I felt lonely, I don’t talk to anyone outside my work and my family. I tried to kill myself because I felt inadequate to my brother, now compared to him I am just a looser and he makes sure I know it too. My Dad never talks to now and my Mom jumps between being disabled/annoyed of me being a failure to pity. Everything I tried to kill myself to stop myself from being is now reality. I just wish I died then so I could of saved myself some dignity. (Sorry if it’s hard to read because of grammar, but I don’t have the strength to reread it to fix it)