Just some forewarning, this post will be triggering to people who are a bit disturbed, and people who are unhappy with men in general, so if that's the case, best not to read. There will be some truth bombs, which will be disturbing to perhaps many, hopefully a relief for some.

By the way, calling
someone names will NOT disprove anything I say or change my mind, so I won't
respond or take the bait, you'll be ignored, as you deserve. So go ahead, as
Reddit is so full of neurotics and people with more red flags than a Chinese
parade, what else can I expect.

Also ladies, this is NOT
about you. This is for men, so please don't make this about yourself. Men need
to be affirmed, not shunned because they have problems. You ladies insist on
your problems being understood, ours matter too. If you are triggered, which is
inevitable for some, then consider this: the more you are triggered, the more
the negative aspects in this post apply to you. Remember, if you're triggered,
it's your job to heal. I'm very sorry for what hurt you went through. But it is
your job to heal, just like it was mine.

To all who dislike this.
Perhaps reflect, rather than project. After all, if so triggered, you owe it to
yourself to heal that part of you.

I wrote this because
there are a LOT of men hurting, who feel inadequate, but feel they did
everything "right" as a man. They are somewhat decent-looking, they
are hygienic, they are good a social skills, they are sincere, they show up
when needed, are reliable, well-rounded, they have their lives reasonably
together (this is very relative in this day and age I suppose), and prefer
integrity and honesty in dating, they don't sneak around.

Yet some may develop
hostility or bitterness as a result of their perceived failure. Hopefully,
instead of this just being another "red pill" or "blue
pill" and all that BS, maybe we just need a salve from an understanding
person who has been through all those wounds, those battles, and needs some
reassurance. It's OK to feel lost. We all do now and again in life. Hopefully,
my sincerity and loving intention of this man comes through this post, kind of a like a compassionate grandpa you wish you had.
Hopefully, there are some who are not so bitter and jaded, that they can have
their hearts open to this post.

Anyway, before I begin,
how do I define "Genuinely Good Men", because people are so into
poking holes these days for no good reason. Also, maybe some young men need
help articulating the way they are or do their best to be, and they just never
stopped to consider.

Genuinely Good Men, in my
experience, are:

Upfront and assertive
with their romantic interest; they neither push too hard, nor do they get
sexual before getting to know a woman, or expect others to just read their
minds or think "faint heart will win fair lady".

They make a good effort
to keep a conversation going, introducing their sense of humour and be
interested, rather than being preoccupied with being interesting when getting
to know a person.

They take rejection with
grace, and never utter a bad word back. They wish them well and move on, and
refuse to entertain anything else once they are rejected once. They respect
themselves in this respect. They understand attraction is either there or not.

If texting, it's done
promptly, and if there is a delay, they'll let them know in advance they won't
be available for the day or whatever. There's no "sorry, I feel
asleep".

They intently listen in
conversation and are good at allowing turns in talking. They make an effort to
be engaging.

They are sensitive to how
a woman feels safe, and starts gently rather than make advances in a way that
would ever make a woman uncomfortable. Dignity is important to him, for both
himself and her.

Manners are important to
him.

When love-making, they are
concerned with the partner's enjoyment, they attribute importance to sensuality
and connection as real important elements to truly enjoyable sex. They place
importance on build-up, and not just starting like a bull in the rodeo!

They prefer a good connection
to a woman as a prerequisite to entertain sexual intimacy together.

If something's wrong,
they listen attentively. If they disagree, they will gently assert boundaries
of what is acceptable.

Are accountable for their
actions.

They understand that a
woman isn't perfect, and neither is he, but she is perhaps perfect for him, and
vice versa.

They trust their partner
until they are confirmed guilty. Innocence until proven guilty.

It's best I leave it
here, I'm sure there can be many other things. I'm simply talking about
connecting, sex, and being in a relationship.

Now, here's where good
men get really lost and perhaps enter into a period of deep sadness and anger.

Men are taught their
whole lives that, if they are in these ways described, then they'll be sure to
find women who like them. After all, there's plenty of talk of women who want
these kinds of men who possess these attributes. Why should they not be well
sought after?

But here's what I have
learned from years of dating, and sticking with these principles. Here's a
Truth Bom coming...

A lot of women are not
attracted to such men. In fact, they are repulsed by them.

Good men, it's NOT you!

Yes, you're not perfect,
and yes, not everyone will be attracted to you. That's not realistic anyway,
nor desirable!

Repulsed? How dare you
say such a thing, you say.

Good men who got there
either via a good family or through a lot of inner work (as was my case), are
blind to this reality.

Why is this?

It's because a lot of
women have extremely unhealthy bonding patterns. Pay attention, I said A LOT,
not ALL of them.

They are not attracted to
a man who is stable emotionally, because he does not provide the rollar-coaster
pattern of bonding... extreme highs when bonding, and extreme lows when he gets
distant. All the drama, all the games, all the state of being kept in wonder.
It's emotionally addictive, something maybe foreign to your nature. The
"hot and cold" bonding pattern. Such women find such instability
comforting, because it's what they were imprinted with, either by parental
example, or because of media influence, or because of unhealthy societal norms,
or because their exes introduced this way of bonding to them.

You see, you're different
to that. You're not gonna give them that. You're giving stable, even motions of
bonding in comparison that is much gentler. They're not familiar with that,
hence it is unsafe, because it's not familiar. No matter how negative something
else, as long as it's deeply familiar, it's safe.

So it's not that YOU ARE
boring. It's that you don't give them that which is familiar to them.

It's not that I'm saying
you're perfect. You're not. You keep improving and you keep growing. That's
life, how it's meant to be.

 Another reason is
that, related to the first reason, such women also tend to lack integrity and
accountability themselves. Not always, but very often. You may be wondering, “why on Earth do they say they want good men, but go for the “bad boys” and these utter scumbags?”

Because they can’t help themselves. They are stuck in that loop, and they are in direct conflict with what they say they want vs. what they actually respond to.

Also, an unconscious reason they are attracted to “Bad Boys” (Trademarked) is because with the “Bad Boys”, they themselves are excused from accountability. They will always have a justification for their own bad behaviour, because that guy is surely gonna do something or say something to justify it. With a good man, she doesn’t have that excuse, and it puts the pressure on her to up her game, and to hold herself to a higher standard. A lot of women just can’t do that. It is something they just can’t handle, and they unconsciously know that as things get more serious, they will get far more uncomfortable to the point they will bounce.

This is what I like to call “preemptive bridge burning”. This is when someone perceives someone else to be far too above their league. So instead of facing, what they perceive, to be a very likely outcome of being rejected, and facing the pain of that, they will instead be in control of ending things and just break it off with you instead. That’s their way of maintaining control and avoid being the “loser” or the one broken up with. It’s a pride thing.

There’s not shaming women here, it’s just as it is, just like it is for a lot of men. That is why they date you for a bit, and then maybe ghost you, or just exist your life abruptly for no reason. This could easily apply for the other gender, but we’re talking about good men’s issues here, yes?

The next one is NOT gonna be popular with a lot of people, so be warned.

Another reason is that it is common for women to have quite a few partner in this lifetime (unless outside of the developed countries). The more partners one has, the more baggage one [usually] takes on. This baggage makes it harder for her to trust men, including you. Related to “preemptive bridge burning”, there is a perverse psychological tendency to want to keep ourselves safe by pre-empting the same thing again to happen, so we decide “no, let’s break it off”. The more partners we’re with, and the more baggage we face, the more we may see red flags that really aren’t there. That’s a sign of unhealed hurt. It’s not normal.

While it can be liberating to know you don’t have to marry incredibly young like one’s ancestors did, the unintended consequences of “free love” and the sexual revolution, is that many sexual partners leads to increased baggage, and harder ability to bond deeply with others. Just because one can do something, dosen’t mean one should. The freedom to do something is not the same as wisdom to know whether or not it’s wise to do it, in what context, and/or how often.

Such ways of being are very foreign to such good men, that we are left scratching our heads for years, so we turn to all sorts of strategies to self-improve, become more interesting, increase our attractiveness in the way that’s in our control, we engage in new social hobbies, we go out to meet others.

Or we may turn inwards and not be able to trust anyone, because the confusion that comes with endless rejections from women that find us “so nice but there’s no spark” just adds up and it may truly crush some of us.

Rest assured, if you’ve sincerely done all you can, and have not acted entitled, and you’ve shown up just as yourself, then it’s NOTHING to do with you. It’s our modern dating life that unfortunately encourages and incentivises extremely unhealthy ways of relating and bonding mechanisms. This is done via the unbelievable expectations of what romance and attraction should be like, encouraged by cartons, social media, Hollywood, comparison to “influencers” on social media, mindless peddling of vague personal development slogans.

There is also the cultural issues of many children being raised in divorced and broken households, which is an epidemic today. Such children who are now grown up have no positive blueprints on which to follow. They are groping in the dark, hoping for anything to work, but they instinctively go for the familiar as described above.

While it is disheartening to feel like finding someone with positive healthy bonding mechanisms is like finding a needle in a haystack, let’s focus on the positive aspect of this. All the women who rejected you despite being “so nice” did you a massive favor. They spared you misery, they spared you one-sided relationships in which you had to have a “project” to fix, and being with a woman who just doesn’t “settled” for you because she needs someone reliable even if she isn’t really into you.

Now, this being said, not all rejections are because of what I talked about. Some people just don’t find your attractive, because there is genuinely no compatibility. Being a good man is NOT attractive in and of itself. Yes, that’s a shocker, but it’s not. We were told all our lives it is. But it’s not. People wanna be attracted to your first, THEN want to know you’re a good man.

There are those who abuse good men because they see goodness as weakness. Then there are those who have integrity in themselves, so they mesh with that, cherish that, and nourish it to make sure such a guy stays around.

But remember, being a good man is NOT attractive in and of itself. If she’s attracted to you, then being a good man makes you even MORE attractive to her, if she herself has integrity. Otherwise, it’s a turn-off, and she’ll screw it up somehow… Hopefully, and doesn’t bait you into marrying her and making your life a misery and divorcing you for stupid reasons. Remember the football player Kaka who got divorced for being too perfect?

But don’t let yourself be fooled any longer by society’s big lie that being a good man comes first. No it doesn’t. Be a good man because that’s who you are, and because it is being true to yourself, and because it is rewarding in and of itself. Have an inner life, know that when you die, you can only take yourself with you. You cannot take people, things or trophies or approval of others with you. You can only go with how you are, and what you have become.

What other advice can I offer good men who still feel genuinely lost? My suggestion is this, because it worked for me. Take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens in your life, and presume that it’s somewhere in your consciousness, and it needs to be healed.

To start, I would look at the teachings of Lester Levenson, and it helped me stop being the victim, and helped me realise that the more I take responsibility for that which comes into my life, including the negative things, I can heal that part of me, and make peace and then those things in life change into a better pattern.

It helps us transcend the endless House of Mirrors that is the mind and its programmes, and the ego that tries to preserve itself at the cost of our wellbeing. Please, even if some of it sounds foreign, do look into it, you owe it to yourself.

It’s worth knowing that, even if we embody integrity in our daily lives, we can still carry negativity in us that we are unconscious of, and therefore attracts negative people or patterns or circumstances to us. Good men are not exempt from negative patterns in relationships, if we still carry negative energy in ourselves deep down. This is why we take radical responsibility, in the sense of if we see it happening in our lives, we take it upon ourselves to heal it within our consciousness, and then we see it change in the world.

If you’d like to PM me and let me know what reading this did for you, I’d be honoured. Many men feel they can’t share anything with anyone, so it’d be a pleasure! Farewell, good man.