Yet I'm curled up feeling so fucking sad.

I saw the red flags. He kept them hidden for two good months. But one slipped out a week ago. I could explain that away - we just had too much to drink. Plus, he apologized.

But I still felt THAT feeling, just like a little fluff of a dust bunny that makes it into a nice, cozy bath with you.

Two nights later he had very bad reactions to two traumatic events in life I shared with him. (Be was sharing his own, too.) That and a big boundary I discovered was disregarded.

Big talk about it all - clearly explained my issues. More apologies and explanations.

But this time it was like when you HAVE to get out of the bath tub for something and when you get back in you see a bunch of nasties floating, followed in on your feet, even though you cleaned the floor just before...

And then Tuesday... and he's just... crazy.

I drained the tub.

I don't even miss him? I definitely do not regret breaking up with him.

But I'm just so sad tonight. And I don't think it's right because I've been with an abuser before and he is definitely one, or well, he would've been if I'd let anything continue. So I shouldn't be sad. I should be happy I listened to my intuition. I should be happy I didn't give him any more chances, I was smart and I was strong. It didn't even last 3 months. I let the last one escalate and escalate for 3 years till he started getting physically abusive - and then still stayed for some time.

My therapist today really helped. I don't think I'd ever seen my therapist shocked before. I knew it was bad, but my therapist really made me feel good about knowing myself and seeing myself as so strong.

I just really want to skip the sad part.