My (28M) girlfriend (26F) just dumped me yesterday out of the blue because my love and care was activating her flight response due to her trauma.

She has had a rough life, her family was abusive beyond belief, she ended up in foster care, her first boyfriend was a groomer who was 25 when she was 14 and he's not even the worst of the bunch, that says everything. Her last relationship was the first she didn't consider abusive, and it was with a hedonistic, narcissistic idiot who was completely neglectful of her, to the point where when they were walking together he'd leave her streets behind cause he "couldn't bear walking at her rhythm".

Enter me: we met on Tinder but live 1800 kms apart, but she spends almost half her time in my city. We match, we get along great, get her Instagram fast. We talked SO much about SO many things and it's crazy how compatible we are. This is it, this is my dream girl, I think. I haven't had a crush this big since my first highschool crush. She says she's looking for something serious, she's not afraid of commitment and is looking for someone who's also not and she's coming to visit in September. I'm in, I'm down for that.

By the point she gets here we're basically in a relationship, we have talked about everything, told each other's lives, sent spicy pics, the works. We kissed at first sight and thus began what I thought was two of the best weeks of my life. We had so much fun, gave each other lots of love, the sex was AMAZING, we said we loved each other before the trip was over, and she had to go back to her town.

What I didn't know is that, besides her genuinely telling me she had a great time, felt loved and cared for, and thinking I was an amazing boyfriend, she was feeling scared, everytime I cared for her, I did something for her, cooked her some food, cared for her while she was sick, was understanding of her in any way: she felt more scared and anxious, like she was accumulating a growing debt towards me.

Then, it happened, she had her first therapy appointment after she got back home and, after the session, she messaged me telling me it was over. She said she isn't healed enough for a loving and caring relationship, and is genuinely sorry cause she thought she was, but isn't, and thus "dragged me into this mess".

She tells me her anxiety tells her she hasn't done enough to deserve the love and care I gave her, but that's bullshit, she did so much for me. I was unemployed during the two weeks she was here and she basically bankrolled me for half a month, she was super understanding and supportive of my situation, she went on long-ass resume runs with me despite her body aching and was overall loving and caring. I just can't grasp how can she feel like not enough. I know trauma's a bitch, I can rationally know her brain is wired differently, but I can't wrap my head around it.

She said she even felt guilty when we couldn't hold hands while walking together, cause she sometimes needs to put her hands on her hips while walking due to joint problems. I feel so sad that even these slight things made her feel indebted to me.

She thought the background noise would just fade away, but her therapist made her see this was a deeply rooted issue that would take lots of work and time to heal. Because of the abuse she sees all relationships as transactional so somebody who cares and loves her will always make her feel like shit if she doesn't feel she's giving back equally. So she made her decision and broke up with me cause she couldn't be able to live with the guilt of not being good enough for me without certainty about when, if at all, those feelings would fade.

I'm devastated, I truly thought I had met the love of my life. I cannot stress enough how insanely compatible we were, I had never felt this way with another woman before, not even my ex who I spent 5 years with, I had never felt a crush this big or felt so compatible with someone. I swear, I thought I was gonna marry this girl.

And now I'm just sad about the cruelty of life, who put the most incredible girl in my life just to take her away almost immediately. And I'm so mad at the human brain: how can it fucking be that being treated with love and care makes you feel like shit. It's so fucking unfair. Trauma is so fucking unfair. I understand it works like this, I had psych classes in uni and rationally understand it. But I can't fucking wrap my head around it. This sucks. This is the worst.

And I'm so fucking sad cause this didn't come to me naturally. I'm autistic, so relationships were REALLY difficult for me. I was a mess during my first relationships cause I didn't know how to make others feel loved and cared for, how to properly express my feelings, dating etiquette, etc. I've worked hard for the last 14 years to be the loving, caring boyfriend I am today, to be a good partner for when I found the one. Now I've found her, and being too good was my downfall. It's so unfair.

She says she'd love for me to stay in her life. I don't know if I can be her friend, it'll just be a painful reminder of what could've been. On the other hand, I really want to see her heal and help her during the process. I told her if she ever felt healed enough for a loving relationship, we could give it another try, but I'm scared that exactly because of it she'll never look me when it happens, cause she'll feel guilty for dumping me in the first place and won't feel deserving of that second chance. I'm lost, I don't know what to do and I'm just fucking sad.