I (F, 27) have a long term bf (M, 29) of 9 years. In fact we have a registered partnership, so basically married. He is doing his PhD in our hometown and I am doing mine overseas. Before i left, we were living together during a year and a half.

I was never the best at 'emotional loyalty', lets call it that. I never physically cheated, but during our relationship I have fallen in love platonically with 3 people. I would love to hear from others with similar experiences. Lately i have been thinking about this pattern and i think that could mean i might be non monogamous? I always fell in love quickly and intensely, since I was a teenager. I would be completely focused on a single person for a while, but then with time I'd eventually start noticing other people and liking them although still being in love with my partners.

Anyways, long distance is really hard and its been more than a year now that we are in different countries. I found myself falling in love once again, for a friend I made here (I will call him A. M, 32). Last weekend we went to a small trip together along with another 2 friends (a couple). We spent a lot of time together, me and A. And we talked a lot. At moments we would be talking about really personal stuff and he would casually touch my leg or my hands, which makes me think he feels something too. At some point I tought to myself that I would probably give in if he made a move, but I think he is too respectful of my relationship status, which is good.

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He is my best friend and the only person in the world that understands and accepts all parts of me. We tried to have an open relationship before about 4 years ago and while it worked for me, he was not happy. I gave in into 'closing' it again for his sake. But now I'm not sure what to do with these feelings for A. I dont know if I should discuss it with my bf, but to do it via videochat or texting seems like a recipe for disaster. I am only going back to visit in October.

On a second note, A is leaving for a work trip during the whole month. So maybe it's a good chance for the feelings to fade away a bit? Im also sad because I wont be able to see him during this time. I dont think he knows at all that I have all these feelings for him, and I kind of want to tell him but what good would come from it?

Part of me knows that i tend to feel like this from time to time. Im vulnerable, i haven't had physical relations in several months. I miss being held. Maybe I wont feel the same after I go back to visit in October.

I know reddit hates cheaters, and many will consider this as emotionally cheating, so sure, have at it.