I hate this but I kinda don’t have anyone else to blame but myself. I (female late 20’s) can’t stand how alone I’ve been for almost a decade. If this had gone the way it should have I wouldn’t even be single in the first place. When I was 19 I was dating this guy I met in college. We dated after knowing each other 2 months and got married 2 months after that. I know that sounds fast to a lot of people but it didn’t feel crazy to do what we were doing. Everything felt right. Timing didn’t feel off. We were compatible in every way- we even like sex the same way. But the only reason we’re not together anymore is because I’m not sexually attracted to people that are the same race as me (I’m black). I thought that since we had so much in common and we were compatible in every other aspect of the relationship that eventually I’d learn to be sexually attracted to him but it didn’t work. I’ve known my whole life I’m not sexually attracted to my own race but I genuinely thought I could change for him. Then a year and a half later, we broke things off and we had to go on with our lives. For a few years after we split I hated myself for ending things and I just wanted him back so bad but I knew deep down that I’m not willing to be with any man that I have zero sexual chemistry with. It took me 5-6 years to stop blaming myself for the end of our relationship but that’s when the fear of intimacy started kicking in. I’ve wanted a new relationship for so long. I’ve wanted to be with someone that I’m not just romantically compatible with but sexually compatible with but my taste in men makes me feel like a desperate creep. I’m extremely attracted to men with fair skin because usually fair skin men have fair skin “meat”. I can’t help the fact that dark “meat” is unattractive to me. I don’t hate black men or anyone with tan skin but I have an involuntary reaction to seeing dark meat- it makes me vomit. I don’t know why I’m like this been I’ve been this way since I discovered what sex was. I always see on social media people talking about their happy, loving, and kinky long term relationships and I’m envious of every girl that is living the life I’ve been dreaming of. I’m so in my head about relationships and I’m so out of practice I don’t even know how to even find men or how to approach the topic of how I like sex. I want it all. I just want a fair skin soft dom that is sweet and kind hearted but the more I overthink about how to even talk to men the more I think it’s going to be to hard to find what I want without coming off as creepy. I’m tired of being single and alone but I don’t wanna just give the first random guy that pays me any attention a chance. I just want something real, something genuine, and something kinky. Is that too much to ask ?