So I don’t really know what to do or say.

I’m a 29 year old male

Two years ago my fiancée gave me an ultimatum of choosing between her, or my female best friend at the time. There was nothing inappropriate about our friendship but obviously my actions made my fiancée feel terrible, and I made the wrong choice and said I couldn’t cut off my best friend and her family. My fiancée left me - as she should have.

That best friend has since shown her true colours, and isn’t a nice person to be around anymore, and every interaction with her underlines how stupid I was. I’ve lost a best friend, and because of my poor choices a fiancée.

I started acting stupid, and self destructive and was sexually assaulted/raped over a year ago and it still affects me, and I’ve never told anyone. I was so angry, and frightened and scared and went through the sexual health tests on my own and I don’t know what to do.

My father is very unwell and looking like he may not survive the year. I know none of us are ready for their parents to pass away, and it’s a natural part of life but it doesn’t help.

I managed to find a wonderful woman who was amazing, and helped with so much and I had a bit of a breakdown and pushed her away earlier this year.

A really good friend of mine who has always said she’s anti children just found out she’s pregnant, and I was the person she called tears to talk everything through. She said that she’s actually been wanting one for a little while, and so after a few weeks of back and forth they’ve decided to continue with the pregnancy and I’m so pleased for them, but I honestly feel so devastated. Because it’ll change her, as it should and all of the things we’d planned will either never happen, or will be so different that it isn’t what I want.

I’ve been struggling for a while, but I’m scared. Because I’m not coping and things are getting worse in my head. I can’t talk to any friends about this and I don’t know if I want to talk to anyone about anything.