I have hated myself as long as I can remember. I have never known what it’s like to love myself and so I’ve never had many friends and only one relationship ever. I’ve basically given up on dating until now, but here I am a 30 year old male virgin who has been single for six years. I’ve been trying online dating but I’m struggling at it cause I’m ugly and I’m not “interesting” enough. The women I do match with get bored of me eventually and go find someone that is more exciting than me. I’m autistic and have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. I’m in therapy and I’m on meds but no matter how hard I try I can’t t let me love me. I see the years passing by and feel myself getting older and I know the loneliness is slowly killing me. I don’t know how to truly meet women other than at work or online and I have major social anxiety/shyness so I could never go out socially by myself to any events where single women would be present. I also get extremely anxious in loud crowded places so bars/clubs are not an option. Even if I were able to I don’t see the point cause why would anyone be interested in me? I’m just a loser and I always will be. I often wish I had never been born. Every time I feel like I connect with somebody they end up leaving. They always leave. I must just be a burden to them. I’ve gotten so used to isolation and loneliness that I feel like I’ll be trapped here forever. I also have trust issues so letting people in is impossible letting myself be vulnerable with somebody is a big fear of mine. I’m just tired, so tired. I just want all the pain to stop