Not sure if it began when I was 12 or 13 but I had a cousin 3 years older than me and I remember an instance where we had lost power and I was at his house cause he had a generator and kinda groped me and said it was fine so part of the game we were playing “some kinda horror game” and began used to him touching me at that point

then fast forward from there, a bet was made we were playing something and I lost and punishment was oral, I remember being snuck into the garage and thinking that this was wrong but of course I was reassured. Everything was fine I just couldn’t tell anyone about it and I began to perform the act. It didn’t last long as I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to do it anymore and there was another instance where I was bent over and through underwear I was being humped. And remember that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

10 years later I kinda pushed it down until I was struggling to be vulnerable in my last relationship and he came over and I remembered it all. I called him and screamed cursed him out and told him I want him out of my life and nothing to do with him.

He said “I don’t really remember it, I wasn’t that much older than you, we’re family, we were just dumb kids” but I’m in therapy now and it just all came back to me, I’m a journey of self reflection dealing with this, my most recent breakup, and just other things wrong with me. I want to tell my family .but I don’t want to ruin his life but I’m nervous. He’s trying to convince me nothings wrong and that we’re family and just dumb kids and what are we supposed to say and do. He also said “it’s unfair I’m putting this all on him”

If he remembered it how I do. I don’t remember it being necessarily fun, I don’t remember enjoying it, I remember it being a bit weird, I remember not really understanding it either. I was a very sheltered kid and didn’t know what porn or jerking off was until after the assault. I just get fits of rage now and this didn’t happen for like 10 years. I don’t know why the memories are all coming now I