I’ve had a really bad year when it comes to finances, we also started dating this year as well, we live in the same apartment building therefore we basically stay together.

He expects me to buy the second set of groceries every month but my cash flow is sporadic currently. He would buy groceries and then spend all his money on ubereats and alcohol, weed and the like, and if I have money during that period I’d be expected to do the same, of which I usually oblige to, to keep the peace.

I’ve previously suggested we buy our own separate groceries and have dinner separately as I know how to take care of myself and not the both of us. I told him we should rather combining groceries this in 2024 when we don’t have to worry about cashflow on either side as we both should be in a better position, he refused to listen to me.

The way he was shouting at me yesterday absolutely killed me, I had been at my family home the past week and came back for his family function, I was supposed to be back with my family by now, he had become broke, 4/5 days before pay day, I was able to support him but I didn’t have a lot of money left for anything. He was going on about how unfair it is that he bought this month’s groceries and I can’t even buy more. I was willing to take it out of my savings but it requires 4-40 days to land.

I’m used to being a provider in life (parentified 1st child syndrome) & knowing I can’t right now hurts me so much, I think he applied a lot of pressure on me and I can’t stop crying, I feel inadequate, incompetent and like a loser.

I’ve spent my travelling money on feeding us, so I have to wait for my savings to finally land before I go back to my family home. He’s got money now and wants us to do things, we went for breakfast this morning and I hated it, I felt so small. I don’t want to touch his groceries or anything at all. I feel so bad.

I can always rely on myself, I’ve had to my whole life. I’ve been in positions where I reassure people that they can depend on me when they fall on hard times, I’ve done this for previous partners, friends and family. I never want people to feel bad for any stressors if I can take care of it. It’s just sad that I can’t have a partner similar to myself.