I’m high as I write this.

To CB. The almost friend I almost did things with.

I've been thinking of you lately, and my wife. At my sex life, at hers, at yours. At Ours.

You are taking a break from Reddit, you said you would look me up when you came back, but I need to tell you this now… So if you look me up, I hope you find this.. Because I may not come back to Reddit on this account after this. I created this account specifically to cheat on my wife.

I've come to this conclusion...

I love my wife. I want to have sexy time with her. She does not want that. She may give me my "best hour of the year", after I directly and explicitly asked for it for Christmas. She will be sad the entire time, because I know she doesn’t want to. That will make me sad and it makes me not want the "best hour of the year" and I resent her for that, and it makes me both love her more and resent her more. I love her in that I will give up my happiness for her. It makes me happy to make her happy. It makes me sad to make her sad. She "doesn’t like making me happy" is my way of saying that if she gives me the "best hour of the year" she will do it for me and not enjoy it, so therefore my happiness makes her sad. And that makes me very sad. My leaving will make me happy, but everyone else sad. We have 2 kids. Their sadness gets a 2x power.

The gummies make me happy. Those few hours of happiness outweigh the other 160 hours that make up the remainder of the week where I am otherwise sad.

I am willing to continue to this agreement… for now.

Thankyou.

Thankyou for helping me to look inwards.

CTC