for those who dont wanna read all that I'll summarise for you the important stuff - I hit the gym to be happy and it worked until one day it didnt and despite people telling me I look amazing I dont see it at all.

im a kid, still in school. I'm like most teenage boys, who want an amazing body like cbum or whatever popular bodybuilders there are. so I started going to the gym just under a year ago hoping to only deal with stress and the depression I was going through but also to get stronger.

It worked great actually, more than I thought it would. I started eating normally, I began weighing more, I back than I was pretty confident with my gain in strength every week. I was lifting more than most others in no time at all. I was consistent and it was great.

then I discovered that I look significantly better with more muscles. I shifted my focus from strength, to how I look, because I was already strong enough to be one of the best in my sports. I ate alot but stayed on a good diet of lots of lean protein, some fat, a lot of carbs to compensate the cardio I was doing and I stayed off processed sugar because of spots and acne.

I found myself enjoying my body, but gradually I didnt like it as much. many people tell me I look to good for my age, I'm too muscled, I look like I'm doped up, I have the body of a 20 year old ect ect.

personally I dont really believe them. I feel fat, I feel small and i dont feel strong either. I just wanna see myself how others tell me they see me. occasionally I can sorta see what they mean with amazing lighting, but I dont feel like it at all usually. I have considered many times doping up when I'm older, but for now I'm against it because of the health problems.

if you read that whole rant without getting bored of the sob story, cheers to you