So my GF and I are both 24. We’ve been dating for 6 months. She has a career and a degree (she graduated at 21). Although I have a full time job, and a service member of the military reserves, I don’t have a degree (I have 11 classes left to graduate.)

Our relationship at the current moment is very rocky. She has expressed she doesn’t know if this relationship is right for her. Specifically she has said recently that she believes her preferences for an ideal relationship might align more with having a partner who brings more financial stability & flexibility upfront to the relationship. She doesn’t think Im there yet, and it’s causing immense uncertainty in our relationship right now. She questions if she’s willing to wait for me to get there as she would like a partner to have those qualities as it makes her feel emotionally secure in a relationship because she knows if there was an emergency she’ll be financially taken care of. Secondly to be able to as a couple to experience the same opportunities of the finer things of life given that she can now afford to do so because of her career. (Traveling frequently, stable job schedule (PTO to take vacations, and reciprocation in being spoiled for the quality & amount of gifts for her birthday/holidays.) She questions if this relationship is worth leaving in search of that because she admits that it’ll be hard accepting anything less than the amount of love, care & attention I give her now.

Coincidentally our sex life has tanked as a result. The quality of our sex life isn’t an issue (as she never experienced orgasms before she met me or found the experience as pleasurable with me) but rather the frequency. We don’t have sex as often as we had before. Her sexual drive & libido is lower than mine in general but even then frequency has decreased while in this relationship and compared to her relationships in the past she admitted. While we had theorized what the factors could be (birth control, pregnancy), she decided to visit the gynecologist. The gynecologist saw that she had visible tear in her vagina, and after extensive questioning of our sex life and relationship the doctor arrived to a conclusion. It wasn’t the birth control, a pregnancy or STD the doctor concluded but rather possibly her body’s physical response of uncomfortableness triggered by an emotional disconnect through the sex in our relationship.

Concerned and confused as to where the emotional disconnect in our relationship was coming from, I asked her about her prior dating experiences to see if I simply wasn’t her type. She said in the past she tended to date men who were older and more financially stable than I was. I asked her why it never worked with those men and she explained there were a variety of reasons. The common reason being was that the timing was off as she believed they weren’t looking for a relationship, they weren’t ready for one or she wasn’t ready for one with them. I then asked her if she was ever intimate with those men and she said she was but only if there was potential there that could lead to a long term commitment. I finally asked her if her sex drive and libido were much higher with those men compared to our time together in this relationship and she admitted it was.

I told her I think she needs to evaluate how her preferences are affecting our relationship and more importantly our sex life. I told her it’s pretty damning to hear that she’s has been more sexually intimate with men that closely match her preferences than her time in our relationship. I think that her preferences for a more financially secure partner in a relationship greatly affects her sexual desire and is affecting our sexual intimacy in more ways than she probably realizes. I wholeheartedly agree that financial stability is an emotional, attractive quality to possess as it accomplishes an emotional sense of security. It’s a quality that anyone would prefer in a relationship. However because I cannot provide that to her in the way she would like for me to do in her life right now consequently it’s probably affecting her desire and ability to be comfortable having sex with me.

I explained the whole situation makes me feel immensely uncomfortable, unconfident, inadequate and ugly. She cannot tell me what makes me attractive enough to get into the mood of having sex with me and I theorize this is why. I don’t know what to do but its embarrassing as a partner to say the least.

TDLR; My GF is questioning our relationship as she said she is leaning towards wanting preferences for a financially more secure partner. Financial security satisfies her emotional need of safety and security in a relationship. I’m not financially at her level as she would like for me to be as a partner and I worry that I’m not the type of man she’s attracted to and it’s possibly killing our sex life.