Title says it all. I was with someone, a stranger in real life, but a lover (and I mean LOVER, not fuck-buddy or one night stand) within the context of the dream. We were alone, in the dark, on the floor, in the heat of passion, without protection. And I felt everything.

Now that I truly understand how sex feels, I no longer want to be awake.

I'm a thirtysomething virgin, okay? I get by on self-pleasure and whatever other vices can make me numb to my feelings. Nobody wants me THAT way. Oh, I'm not ugly. I'm not an asshole (at least not in the real world). But there's something WRONG with me. I'm defective, and every woman I've ever been with knows it. And mind you, I don't blame them for leaving me. I want them to be happy. But fuck, it sure was easier living in despair when I didn't know what I was missing!

What the fuck do I do now? Self pleasure? It's ruined for me now! I feel like I've been eating dirt these past few decades only to have just tasted my first banquet, and now I'm supposed to resume eating dirt? I'd rather starve to death! Even if I could lucid-dream, what kind of life would that be? I'd be simping for a coma! FUCK!