I can't relate with my friends when they talk about their boyfriends or talk about guys and I desperately want to, it get so awkward when they ask how do I not have a boyfriend yet and I don't want to disappoint my grandparents when they talk about wanting grandchildren and watch me get married to a nice man and raising children.

I don't want to ever adopt because I want a child born from me to carry on my family blood as that's important to me.
But I'm just not very attracted to men...well rather...I try to be and have but its rare. I have tried things to hard change my sexuality by talking sexually with men over online and trying dating sites.

But when I lay down I only think about women sexually.
It frustrates me so much that I cry.
I don't want to disappoint my family being their own daughter and not being able to give them children because I'm mostly attracted to women.
Let alone I'm so scared they won't accept me if I ever told them and seeing the disappointed looks on my grandparents faces.
Nobody knows my sexuality but my ex girlfriend and the random girls I slept with before but those girls wasn't even lesbian, just curious.
I can't ever share my feelings with anybody because I can't and won't come out with any of my friends because I think they won't accept it and obviously family.
I just need to get this off my chest as none of my native friends speak english so this safest place for me to say this.

Edit: Thank you everybody for the kind words and advice.
I didn't expect it so thank you...as I wrote this on the way to stay a bit at my grandparents house.

One thing I'll like to say is yes. I am safe if I were to come out.
I live in japan but I remember long time ago my ex told me that coming out isn't a good idea in the workforce, she told me not only would we be at risk of being fired but we also would have a hard time finding a home together if we ever were to look for one and among other things.

But I will take all your advice to heart, though I'm still not ready to come out to my family and friends, do know that I read everything and it made me feel better about myself.
Though I still feel the need of wanting to relate to my peers and please my family, someday I'll learn to fully accept myself.