I am 27 years old and I feel like I am in a losing battle with life.

At this current moment in time, I feel like I am incapable of accomplishing anything. Everything from larger, important tasks to simple little mundane tasks like making my bed or brushing my teeth consistently. I feel like I don't have a purpose in this life.

About maybe 3 years ago, I had a breakdown and have struggled to really put myself back together. Within the span of 2 weeks, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years and quit my job within a week of each other. I reached a point where I was so overwhelmed with everything in my life that my reaction was to push everything away. Initially, I thought this would be beneficial for my life, as I felt like I had no work-life balance and there were issues in my relationship (limiting who I was able to talk to, always fighting over little things, feeling like I wasn't accepted for being myself), but in hindsight, I feel much less happy now than I did back then. I feel like a loser who has nothing going for him and never will, who pushed away someone who loved him and no wants nothing to do with him.

I got a college degree and quit a job related to that within 6 months of joining. Since then, I've struggled to find any financial stability OR sense of fulfillment from the jobs ive worked since then. I got as a PA in the TV/Film industry and have also worked at a few different restaurants, but I feel like these are both dead-end jobs. I don't see myself progressing in either of these positions, being happy in either of these positions, or both. I feel like I'm just going to be working these various dead-end jobs, unable to afford a house or support a family in my lifetime. The lack of financial stability has impacted my ability to do and pay for basic things, which has obviously contributed to the depression that I sense so regularly. I can't save up enough/my credit isn't good enough to move out and I'm having a hard time improving my credit score because of financial instability. I've recently tried to apply to more stable jobs that utilize my college degree and apply to more restaurant jobs, but nothing has come to fruition. I thought I'd make a resume for a sales job or something, but I wonder if I will get a sense of fulfillment from any of these positions.

Because of the struggles mentioned above, I feel like I can't address the social problems in my life. I don't have enough money to go out socializing or even doing things for myself for that matter. I feel like I'm unable to meet new friends or new potential girlfriends, so as a result, I end up playing videogames with old friends to maintain social relationships. But this only makes me feel like a lonely piece of unmotivated garbage. I've told myself moving out, closer to the city would potentially improve this, but I cant save enough to move out and rent is fucking ridiculous in New York. I can barely afford groceries because I'm not getting put on the schedule enough.

I used to feel a fiery sense of passion, both about life and towards people.. but I feel like both of those have been stripped from my soul. I always struggled to feel like I fit in, but I at least used to be really passionate about comedy and spending quality time with people. Nowadays, I feel no passion towards comedy the way I used to. I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, but I always told myself that's what I'd like to do, because I've always been good at making people laugh. But now I feel that same passion has vanished, and has been replaced with self-doubt and uncertainty.

In regards to people, I feel like the people I once loved have slowly vanished from my life. Nobody picks up the phone anymore. No one is there for me. The new people I do meet in my life tend to vanish even quicker. I dont feel loved. By anyone. I dont feel like any of my best friends would say I'm there best friend. My parents are there for me, but I feel like deep down, they both think I'm a loser.

I need some help turning my life around, but I dont know where to start. I see a therapist, but am not on any medication. I do smoke a lot of weed, which helps some days, but definitely doesn't help other days. I've been trying to regularly exercise and go to the gym, get in morning and nighttime routines, etc., but I feel like these are just parts of the cycle: I try to get myself together, am temporarily successful, slowly lose motivation, everything becomes a mess, recognize I need to get myself together again, repeat.

How the fuck do I help myself, dude? I want to change myself. I don't want to be a bum. I want to have a purpose and chase something with a passion, and make people laugh and smile... but at times, I feel like this can only be accomplished in dreams and on movie screens. Because thats what life has drilled into me thus far: don't get excited about things, because they probably won't go your way. I probably won't get that job, and I probably won't get that girl. Realistically, I won't be able to afford a house and realistically will always be paying off some kind of debt, working a job I ultimately hate.

Why would I want to live in a world like that? Why would anyone?

I need help dude. I need to figure out how to turn this ship around. I know this might be above Reddit's pay grade, but I figured why not, what's the worst that comes out of this?

Also, sorry about potential formatting, grammatical or spelling errors; I'm sads and kinda just word vomiting because I'm sads. I feel like I'm so bad at life that I can't even make a Reddit post properly.

I also apologize for coming off dramatic or if this seems like a sob story; that wasn't my goal. This wasn't meant to be a "feel sorry for me" post, as much as it is a cry for help from a person who feels incapacitated by all aspects of life at the moment.

I need help and I dont know what to do or where to go.