My friend is having a party tomorrow. There are going to be a lot of her friends, some of her partner’s family, and it’s going to culminate in a proposal.

I’m torn between not going, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to meet and interact with new people for an extended period of time, or be present for something as emotionally loaded as a proposal. I don’t have the luxury of being able to miss work on Monday without it being an issue.

But I know I would regret not being present, even for a portion of it. I feel like a bad friend for wanting to skip this. I’m tired of having stupid triggers. I’m so tired of being broken. I wish I could just shatter myself and remake someone better from what’s left.