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Hello, people of Reddit. I will try to keep this short. I guess I’m looking for advice? I (22f) have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. (I have been dealing with thoughts of um… self unaliving since I was 12, eating disorders, etc.) Lately, I feel like something else is wrong with me beyond that. I feel as though my mental responses aren’t exactly normal. (I cry, am capable of empathy and sympathy, and I think I’m capable of love, though sometimes I can’t tell if it’s just attachment or temporary obsession. I’m sure I love my friends and family, at the very least. It’s nothing like that.) I’m thinking about this, and this is gonna sound silly I know, because I was talking to my grandmother about how I wanted a pb&j sandwich earlier. I even got up to make it. But I changed my mind because, upon thinking about the steps, I thought that it was too much work. It’s like I can only bring myself to make myself food once a day before this tiny voice in my head tells me that that’s enough, that it’s not worth the effort. I’ve also noticed that when I was away at college, I would hoard food. I would go load up on snacks, actual meals from restaurants, etc. so I wouldn’t have to leave my room. I don’t want to become a recluse, but it’s gotten worse now that I’m at home. I eat once, and I get back in the bed. I look after my dogs and cat, but that’s about it. Therapy hasn’t been helping, and neither have my antidepressants, but I do have bursts of happiness, so I’m not sure why simple tasks like brushing my teeth or making food seem like too much work. Am I just lazy like my grandmother says, or should I be concerned about the way I’m shutting down like this?
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