The day you cornered me and executed the master plan you conceived. It shook my resolve until the day after passed. It made the tough situation I landed myself in seem insurmountable.

I've come a long way since the fall. There's still habits I need to kick from before, but I'm losing even more weight than when you last saw me. My mind is still healing despite your plan getting you what you wanted. I'm sure you've noticed I bounce back quick to almost everything that hits me. That when I find something to keep me driven, I stick to it. The problem was, my intentions.

I was self absorbed. Selfish. Seeking power, validation, unrealistic love, wealth, all for the wrong reasons. It's just as psychology has taught me over time. I was the very thing I hated most, I couldn't see it but I could feel it, something wrong with me and it was making me hate myself so bad the venom reached everyone around me when my ego suffered a blow. Without being triggered I can be just as unrelentless with kindness as I can with burning hatred breeding ill intentions. Psychology taught me that my unaware illness made me a narcissist, like the person I was trying so hard not to be while I was sound of mind. Him speaking to me that we were like two sides of the same coin, sickened me, but he was right. It's no wonder we were at each other's throats. A Borderline is a covert narcissist until they become self aware. Both can be dangerous, but I can take some comfort in borderline being slightly less "evil" than a narcissist. Take a little pride that I'm smarter than him and haven't become homeless like I'm sure he is now after what I last heard him do. I'm the Reznor to his Manson.

Music hits differently now, even though it's been such a big part of my life. Now the very music I took pride in... I still enjoy it and find some tranquility in the fact, I'm becoming less like the lyrics. Now I can't stay busy without music playing in the background. I just wish I could find something new to listen to instead of my usual mixes. Even though it's motivational.

I keep hearing Over and Over Again by The Used. It pushes me pretty hard. Wanting to be who I was before by not repeating the same mistakes. Every time I hear that last shrill sounding guitar riff, it's like an adrenaline surge. Same as when I hear my favorite not so talked about favorite band and their heavy industrial almost EDM sounding beats. I can visualize in my head the wires dancing with the beats, coursing with electricity and filling the air with it.

I've been busting my ass this morning even though it's only a dent in the current situation. I owe it to myself to prove I can thrive in this world. Proving others is just a bonus. I believed it the other way around and that isn't how it should be.

I've got most of my weight training out of the way, and more prepping for the house being sold. I think I'll take my daily walk soon and enjoy the cool fresh air. Listening to my usual beats. Over and over again.

All I've been through and done damn it, I'll prove to myself and everyone around me even if it kills me in the process. I'm a survivor.

It's not about weathering the storm, but learning to dance in it. Well, I'm singing with it as well. Marching to the beat of my own drums.