I can’t stop thinking about this person. Their name hasn’t left my mind in weeks. I met them in October but didn’t really start to know to them until a few months ago. Recently, they’ve fallen off the face of the earth and I haven’t seen nor heard from them in a little bit. I’m sure they’ll be back. I’m sure they’re just taking care of a few personal things I do hope they are okay. Still, my mind is always picturing them around dreading the days that go by when they aren’t there. I think i’m becoming obsessed. I want to send a text to check in but i’m scared of the outcome. will i make things worse? i think I’m scared they’ll leave me. Alone again with no friends, no love. I desperately want new connections, I want friends, I want love but it seems i’m not ready for that. It seems i’m not deserving of love I have yet to be chosen. My healing says i’m not ready but i want to be ready. i want to receive love again. nothing romantic just someone to talk to. someone to listen. someone to enjoy the fruit of life with. If it became romantic that would be great too for I haven’t had any intimacy at all but would it be right? i feel like i’m going crazy. i feel like i don’t deserve to be loved but I also feel sadness bc why don’t i deserve it? why does everyone leave? why can’t i have a shoulder to lean on? My shoulders hurt. I think i’ve been alone so long that when possible relationships come my way i self sabotage them and ruin that relationship before it could even start. Right when i thought when i was forming a good relationship with someone they leave and i got so attached i get sad again. i’m not ready. but i’m so alone…