i binged on pizza from the dining hall last week and then i made myself throw up. this is the first time i’ve done it this year but the third or fourth time overall since around a year ago. my roommate asked if i was eating okay and i hadn’t even realized she was home. i can’t stick to a routine to lose weight and i just keep failing. it’s so difficult to be hungry but makes my busy life so much easier. i usually scoff at people with addictive personalities but i felt better the last time i did it. i knew i shouldn’t have eaten the pizza and i would feel gross and full afterwards and i did it anyway. purging it felt like i was correcting a big mistake. i’m scared of myself lately for liking it. no one will understand and i can’t tell anyone. i don’t think it’ll spiral out of control because i just could never let that happen to myself but i do see it happening again soon if i get that full again. i just want someone to care about me and listen to me.