tldr; I fear my judgemental younger brother will push away my boyfriend due to years of contast judgement I've recieved

Apologies about formatting and spelling errors as this was typed on my phone.

Notes: Mentions of self harm (specifically cutting), suicide attempts, and suicide ideation

My younger brother is two years younger than me and is currently in highschool. I am a university student and live with my family to pursue my education. For context, we are immigrant children and our parents heavily favour my brother as he is the only boy in our immediate family. Outside of his personality and behaviour, he is actually a good person. High grades lots of friends, friendly and sociable, cab drive. He's also the tallest in the family if that adds to anything. The main issue is the favortism towards him and how that translates to him treating me in return. I know this will sound selfish and entitled. I have let my friends and boyfriend know and made it very clear this is how I am treated by him.

I am very worried that he will heavily scrutinize my boyfriend one day behind his back. My boyfriend is dealing with major anxiety issues and his own family issues currently. I am encouraging him to reach out for help when he is ready and able. We are long distance and talk when we're both available. Plus he works and will go to university once he is finanically stable. It is very early on in the relationship and won't visit each other until we have gotten to know each other. He also enjoys crossdressing and I encourage him to express himself. All in all, he is a great man that I want to get to know. He is 2 years older than me.

Unfortuanately, I fear my brother's cold shouldering and demeaning comments will push away my boyfriend. I know, because I've dealt with it many many times. Recently, he keeps sending me texts about issues like taking long baths (wasting water), late night cooking sessions and supposedly not cleaning (I clean counters, sink, and stove putting away cooking supplies & kitchenware), and accidentally leaving a clean vibrator in the shared bathroom (called it gross). I am tired seeing these texts despite knowing how there were many opportunities for him to get disciplined that never happened.

My brother has a habit of sneaking out of the house during late hours, always to meet his friends. He once contemplated taking the family car, but thankfully decided against. Every single time, I have had to let him into the house as it is dangerous late at night. Our neighborhood is known for crimes such as theft and many houses have been broken into. In addition, he is always out late with his friends, and has been known to ocassionally drink (he is 17, drinking age is 18 in my country). He talks loudly in his room to his friends, yet I cannot laugh with our older sister in my room without getting shouted at. He had to drop a highschool class as he was overwhelmed. I did the same for a university course, and I get lectured for wasting money (we use a retirement fund per sibling just for education purposes). He has been in contact with potential partners that have been walking red flags and this is my first serious romantic relationship.

It is clear that he rarely gets into trouble while I am always scrutinized by both him and my parents. I plan to live with a roommate in a university dorm in 2 years for my graduate program. I also plan to go low contact with my family (except for my older sister) once I complete my education, am financially stable, and moved out of the house. I have gone into therapy to deal with family issues and am on medication (that my mother controls but that's another issues entirely) that has helped me to manage my thoughts and emotions. I am also non-binary (afab) and my parents are known to be very judgemental when it comes to the LGBTQIA . As my boyfriend likes to crossdress, I am also worried about how my family with treat him for expressing himself

As my boyfriend has his own family issues, I don't want to expose him to an enviroment that will potentially hinder his mental health. He has opened up to me about sucidal ideation and self harm attempts regarding cuting his arms. He also lives with family and has an abusive parent. So I take these concerns very seriously. My family is emotionally abusive and did not take my mental health issues seriously until an attempt that landed me in the hospital last year. Only my sister and my close friends know about my boyfriend, but not his mental health issues.

Thank you for reading. I am already supporting my boyfriend to the best of my ability, but I will not push him into making any decisions right away. If any of my family finds this then it is what it is. They like being very hush hush about the treatment they did to me and my older sister.