Hello! I'm a 17 about to be 18 year old male and I recently have been having thoughts that I won't find love in my life, sure I have had one "girlfriend" but I was like 7 and it was more of a child's play type of thing,

but since I was like about 12 I been feeling like I'm homosexual, but I feel like no one would accept me and it's eating me up now more than ever, anyways back to the love thing, since I can't seem to find peace with my thoughts I have never seem to have thought about dating.

sure I have had crushes but they were all straight I never acted on them and instead I focused on my studies but now with being out of high school for like 3 months now and always seeing videos about how hard dating is if you never dated in high school my brain can't stop pull out these thoughts,

I've tried to imagine my ideal boyfriend but my brain always ends the daydream with me being alone. I feel so trapped and I really just needed to get this off my chest, so thanks for reading my 3am rant! Sorry if this is confusing and hard to read, I'm not very good at expressing myself

Tl:dr: my brain can't stop push out thoughts about me being alone and never finding love